


Under A Blue Moon

by BeesKnees



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-30
Updated: 2011-11-30
Packaged: 2017-10-26 17:19:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/285890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeesKnees/pseuds/BeesKnees
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus was raised as Fenrir Greyback's son. During the first war, James and Sirius are sent to persuade the werewolves to join their side.</p><p>Written for rs-games.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Under A Blue Moon

Remus was the last to arrive. It was already dark, but he was able to trace his way through the woods on mere instinct alone. He could hear the trees brushing above him, the wind strong. A storm would hit this area later in the evening but, by then, Remus suspected they would already be gone.

He walked into the clearing and could make out the fire almost instantly. It sparked, sending red flaring up into the sky. His brothers were already gathered around in a circle and one of them slid over as Remus dropped down. Another clapped him on the shoulder, grinning wildly and Remus nodded at him in return. Across the circle, their father looked briefly over at him, making eye contact; it was the closest thing to a proper greeting that Remus could really expect. It also didn’t go unnoticed by the rest of their pack. Many of his brothers had probably arrived without any acknowledgment.

Now that they were all here, the general clamor started to die down. His brothers relaxed in their places, legs sprawled out too close to the fire. Their father didn’t yet speak, but glanced intently around the circle, as if he was counting them all, sizing them up.

“Dumbledore is sending some of his own into our midst,” he said finally. Someone guffawed from across the circle, but Remus didn’t see who it was. While their father said nothing in response to the noise, one corner of his mouth lifted up, revealing his jagged and yellow teeth. He clearly found the idea ridiculous. “If we’re going to entertain Voldemort, we might as well entertain Dumbledore. I want to see how desperate the old man is. They all want the strength of our packs.”

The fire snapped audibly. A log fell, sending embers crackling across the dirt.

“I will take care of Voldemort’s Death Eaters myself,” he continued. There was an offer implicit in his words. Someone else was going to be responsible for taking care of Dumbledore’s men. The brother to Remus’ right sat up straighter, obviously about to volunteer himself.

“Remus.” Fenrir’s eyes fixated on him before any of his brothers could name their merits. “You’ll be responsible for them.”

Remus couldn’t help but be surprised by the announcement. He didn’t know why his pack would be chosen for Dumbledore’s men to watch. He didn’t much like the idea of it. He was protective of the pack he had built up over the years and didn’t fancy the idea of any strangers walking into it, especially when they were trying to get them to join a war that Remus had little interest in. He thought entertaining either side was a bad idea, but it wasn’t his place to speak.

He also knew better than to argue the point with his father. He merely nodded.

Fenrir said nothing more, but climbed to his feet. Most of Remus’ brothers remained sitting, grimly looking at the ground. Remus stood as well, understanding that he had been summoned. His father started toward the woods and Remus obediently followed, falling into step beside the older wolf.

“Promise them not a damn thing,” Fenrir said in a voice so low it was practically a growl. “He’s trying to sway us away from Voldemort. But I will not be played with like a damn pup. Keep them safe, but don’t let them know that we’re meeting with Voldemort as well.”

“You want me to keep them distracted,” Remus surmised, his voice low.

“Exactly,” Fenrir said, reaching a hand across Remus’ shoulders to squeeze his arm.

…  
“Sirius,” James hissed as he struggled through the brush once again. They had been carefully selected for this mission, but James didn't much care for it. He was never one to shy away from danger, but then again, they had never been sent into the middle of a werewolf pack before. He also wasn’t exactly sure if Sirius had any idea what they were walking into.

They had been told to use as little magic as possible, so they couldn’t Apparate straight to where the pack was. Instead, they were stuck trudging through a relatively dense forest. James was sure they were lost, but Sirius just kept marching forward, seemingly unaware of the branches that kept hitting James in the face or the thorns that had lodged their way into his denims.

“We’re almost there, Prongs!” Sirius declared, his voice much too loud.

“Great,” James mumbled under his breath. He supposed the hardest part of this mission was that they didn’t know how long they were going to be there. Dumbledore had warned them that it seemed as if Fenrir Greyback was close to striking some sort of deal with Voldemort. If that happened, they could only be here for a few days. But he had at least been curious enough to allow them to meet with one of his sons. Which could also mean months.

They had been given a crash course on werewolves and, if James was being honest, he didn’t know if he really wanted somebody like Greyback on their side anyway. He was known for biting children and raising them as his own. Still, James understood why it was important to not let him fall into Voldemort’s pocket. They had been told less about the pack that they were going to visit. All they really knew was that it was run by one of Greyback’s favored sons, Remus. Many of Greyback's sons led their own pack, which, in turn, obeyed Greyback. It appeared as if Remus led one of the less violent packs which James supposed was rather good for them.

In short, James was wary. But Sirius seemed almost excited. He knew that Sirius was proud that they had been the most natural choice for this mission; there were few missions that they were sent on alone.

James was about to say something further when he was cut off. Sirius broke through another layer of branches and suddenly there was a little more light. James could see what looked like a camping site just in front of him. The smell of smoke filled his nostrils and he could see a few people walking around; they all turned and stared at them in a way that made James want to retreat. But Sirius plowed forward, walking toward the center of what was almost a very small village. It didn’t take James long to see that most of the crude living structures were obviously constructed by hand, many covered in the pelts of animals.

He swallowed unevenly and then hurried to walk beside Sirius, only hoping that he could keep his friend out of trouble for the duration of their visit. He was certain that they were walking into hell.  
…  
One of the children came running to get him. She tugged impatiently at his sleeve and Remus looked up. He barely heard what she said; her message was abundantly clear. Their visitors had arrived. Remus didn’t know what he had been expecting, but the pair of men that had walked into the center of their pack looked so young. The messengers that Voldemort had sent had been much older. They had seemed quite experienced. The two that Dumbledore had sent looked almost like children, eager to prove themselves still.

They looked remarkably similar, almost as if they could have been brothers. Both had dark hair, although one wore it long and the other wore it… messy. However, the one on the left had a more confident stride; he already looked relaxed even though Remus didn’t think he had looked around once since he had walked in. The other’s gaze was a bit more cautious. He reached up to push his glasses back up his nose.

Remus smiled and thanked the girl that had come to get him before pushing himself to his feet. He was still feeling a bit ambivalent about this meeting, but he didn’t expect them to stay long. Especially not after seeing them. He was aware that the wizarding world didn’t like werewolves. The full moon was in less than a week. He figured that was more than enough time for Dumbledore’s men to form their opinions and leave before they considered themselves truly in danger.

He padded toward the two men, conscious of how his pack was watching them. He knew that many of them were afraid and didn’t understand why they had to be the ones to receive them. His brothers’ packs were too violent, and Remus knew that was the truth of the matter. Fenrir could expect him to be able to control his pack in order to keep their visitors safe for as long as they needed them. His pack, in many ways, was made up of the strays. Most of the newly changed children were given to him and those who were otherwise not capable of fending for themselves.  
He took care of them. He protected them.

As he walked toward the two strangers, the one boy’s pace slowed a little. He stopped a few feet away, but the second, the one with the longer hair, continued walking forward and thrust his hand out. Remus stared at it for only a moment, not having expected such a gesture, before hastily reaching forward to accept the other man’s hand. It was a foreign motion to him, one that he understood, but was rarely practiced among the packs.

He was surprised how cool the other’s man felt underneath his. His skin was quite pale, especially compared against his. Up close, Remus could make out more of the differences between the two men. The man whose hand he was shaking had sloping lines to his face, ending in a sharp cut to his cheekbones. He would have looked almost feminine if it weren’t for the broad width of his shoulders and the carefree atmosphere he was exuding. His eyes were an unusual shade of grey Remus had never seen before.

“You must be Remus,” he prompted.

“Yes,” Remus confirmed with a slight incline of his head.

“I’m Sirius,” he answered, and then tilted his head toward his companion. A few strands of his hair fell into his face. “This is James.”

“Welcome,” Remus said cordially. He wasn’t used to this sort of thing. They didn’t have _visitors_ here and Remus wasn’t exactly sure how to act. He turned, gesturing for them to follow. “You’ll both be staying with me,” Remus explained. Their makeshift housing was small and Remus didn’t expect them to be exactly comfortable. But they would be safe and that was far more important. He had plenty of furs heaped inside, most of them presented to him by his father after killing an enemy. He figured that information didn’t need to be passed along. They would be in close quarters, but that was always how packs had worked. When he passed in front of where he typically lived, he saw that both of them were watching impassively.

“We eat once in the morning and once in the evening,” Remus continued. “Usually evening meal is whatever we’ve hunted.” Or had in stores from previous hunts. Morning meals usually consisted of whatever they had traded from the nearby village. The village was typically wary of them, but they kept their boundaries. An uneasy peace existed between them and some of the local merchants who had no choice but to trade with a werewolf pack.

Remus’ pack was unusual in this way. His brothers’ packs would take whatever they could. But they had stronger hunters and were more ruthless. Remus didn’t have the same resources and had to make do and be realistic about what he did have.

He cleared his throat a little when James and Sirius continued to say nothing.

“You can talk to anyone you want around here,” he said, nodding toward the group that was still watching them with open fascination. “But don’t expect many of them to want to answer you.” He paused, glancing down before meeting their steady gaze. “We don’t tend to trust wizards.”

He suspected that they had tried to make as many preparations before coming here. They were both holding knapsacks and Remus figured there was probably some of their own food inside. He doubted they would stay long enough to need more.

“Do you need anything else?” Remus asked. He knew there were a thousand little details they were going to need to know to survive their stay. But he also assumed that many of those details would be sorted out as they went along.  
James leaned in a little. He looked as if he were about to ask something intently. Sirius cut him off before he got the chance.

“How old are you?”

Remus hadn’t expected such a question. From the expression on James’ face, he figured he hadn’t either. He was lost for words for a few seconds.

“I don’t know,” Remus managed after a moment. He could remember little of what had come before he had been bitten. He knew that he, like many of the others, had been taken from some sort of family. He had always suspected that it was a wizarding family. But they didn’t have any measurement of time here. He didn’t know how old he had been his father had taken him and he didn’t know when his birthday should have been.

“Really?” Sirius asked, sounding surprised.

“Really,” Remus answered, unable to help the way one side of his mouth quirked up in an amused way. He didn’t know what to make of Sirius. He also didn’t know if that would end up being a bad thing or not.

…  
James sat down beside him, holding a bowl of porridge. He looked bleary beneath his glasses. He didn’t say anything at first, but Remus found that he didn’t exactly mind James’ silence. He found James to be a little more mature than Sirius, although he had certainly seen the odd moment when he had been just as ridiculous as Sirius. But it was usually when he was goofing around with Sirius. Around him, or any of the other members of the pack, James was patient and more prone to listening than to asking too many questions.

Remus had to admit that he was surprised at how well James and Sirius had been accepted. They had only been about for a few days, but there hadn’t been anybody that had hostilely opposed them. Most, as Remus had said, were still incredibly wary of them. They skirted around them at all costs and on the rare occasions that they did speak to either of them, they tended to avoid their gaze.

Yet, Sirius had certainly endeared himself to one group of the pack.

Remus and James both watched as a few of the children went tearing after Sirius. The morning air was filled with high-pitched laughter as Sirius ducked around a tree to avoid the little hands that were reaching for the back of his shirt. He didn’t quite make it. Two of the children caught him and Sirius went down in a tumble of limbs. The children quickly climbed on top of him, pinning him down while Sirius pleaded for mercy.

Remus had been surprised that Sirius had bothered with them. At first, admittedly, he had been suspicious. He had thought that Sirius was trying to speak with them only because he believed he could garner secrets from them that he and James would be unable to pry from adults. He was still a bit worried by that. But Sirius had seemed to spend most of his day simply playing with them. He hadn’t heard them speak about anything about the other packs or about his father’s pack.

James was the one that asked the questions. But they were tentative, always respectful. He had managed to have a few of the pack show him minor things, like how they cooked the meals or how to make the furs. Each morning, he had asked Remus what he was allowed to ask, and then would always check if he was allowed to do something before actually doing it. Remus knew he was trying to be respectful and it was certainly appreciated.

“He only gets along with them so well because he never grew up,” James quipped, a wry grin on his face. Remus found himself smiling too.

“They like having him here,” Remus returned. It was often hardest for the younger ones. The transformations were still difficult. The lifestyle was different than what they were accustomed to. They had few playmates beside each other. He knew that they probably considered the attention of an adult a special thing indeed.

“Will you return after the full?” Remus asked, turning his head to glance at James. It wasn’t something that he had brought up before now, but it was a question that eventually needed to be addressed. The full was within days now. While he had originally assumed that James and Sirius would be gone as quickly as possible, now he wasn’t so sure.

“What?” James asked, looking confused.

Remus figured his answer was there. Obviously, James hadn’t even considered returning after the full moon. It didn’t exactly come as a surprise to Remus. Perhaps they had seen whatever it was they had come to see.  
Remus got to his feet, nodding a little.

“Oh,” James said. “No, that’s not what ― We won’t leave during the full.”

That certainly gave Remus pause. He looked down at James, openly confused.

“You can’t stay,” Remus protested. “It won’t be safe. I can’t guarantee you any measure of protection.” He knew there would be no excuses for any wizard sent to them to be turned. It would be unforgivable and, if James and Sirius decided to stay, it would certainly happen. There were too many werewolves here, and too many of them had little control over themselves.

“We’ll be fine,” James said, grinning a bit in a way that Remus didn’t understand. It reminded him more of Sirius.

…  
Remus liked the dark. He had always been fond of the night. It was comforting to him in a way that daytime never was. The nighttime seemed to belong exclusively to him―to his kind. He knew that there were wizards that were afraid of the dark, that it held things that crawled out of their nightmares. He supposed he was one of those things. But it was hard to think of it that way as he looped through the forest, skirting around the trees. The stars were narrow pinpoints above, practically obscured by the overhanging branches.

He could scarcely see the moon. She was nearly full, heavy with light. He could feel the pull of her inside him. His body was getting ready to shift, preparing to answer her call.

He breathed in the chilly night air and could hear the forest shuddering around him, some other creatures coming to life, prowling along the floor. They left him alone, as if sensing what he was.

Remus decided that it was probably best if he started to head back toward the camp. He figured that James and Sirius were already asleep. He had made sure that they were all right before he had slipped out. He still didn’t understand why James had decided it was best to stay during the full moon, but he thought it might be good to try and talk to Sirius about it. He didn’t know if he was anymore likely to see reason, but his conversation with James had concerned him all day.

When he reached their grounds again, everything was silent. The fire had been put out and was quietly smoldering, a few of the embers glowing red in the night air. He started toward his own home, and was mildly surprised when he heard the muffled voices of James and Sirius. He paused for a moment.

“It’s just not what I was expecting, you know?” he heard James say. His voice was quiet, intent.

“I know,” Sirius answered; his voice was tight. “I wasn’t expecting there to be so many children here.”

“They don’t belong here,” James said staunchly.

“They think this is their home now,” Sirius said. “Isn’t that strange? I bet a lot of them still have families looking for them or maybe assumed they were just dead. And all these kids don’t know that they’ve got a real family somewhere ―”

Remus pulled away a little faster than he intended. He stood up straight, the muscles between his shoulder blades too tight. He didn’t head inside. Instead, he wandered back over to where the fire had been. He dropped down beside it and waited until he could hear nothing but the buzzing of insects.

…  
“Did we do something wrong?”

Sirius’ voice was quiet. He sounded genuinely concerned. He was leaned a little too close to Remus; Remus was aware of the way his elbow was practically nestled against his side. Their legs almost aligned and Sirius’ chin was close enough that it could almost rest on his shoulder if he leaned in just a hair more. He didn’t turn to look at Sirius, but kept his gaze forward.

The question wasn’t exactly surprising. After overhearing James and Sirius, he’d been sharply reminded that they were the enemy. They weren’t supposed to be enjoying themselves. Remus was supposed to be keeping them off guard. They could only hurt him. He’d been no less accommodating to either of them the next morning, but he’d certainly been less open. Apparently, it was a difference that hadn’t gone unnoticed by Sirius.

“You need to leave tomorrow during the day,” Remus said, figuring that now was better than any other to remind Sirius that the full was approaching.

Sirius leaned back. His posture became more relaxed, but Remus could sense that, for once, he wasn’t. His shoulders slouched and the distance between the two of them grew.

“There’s no need,” Sirius answered impassively. “We’ve taken… _precautions._ ”

Remus bristled a little. He didn’t know why James and Sirius were being so insistent about staying throughout the full. He had never actually met a wizard who was looking forward to contending with a werewolf underneath a full moon. At the same time, he couldn’t help but doubt himself a little. Was it possible that they had something up their sleeves? He worried that it was a weapon of sorts, maybe something that Dumbledore wanted them to test out. If that was true, their whole visit could be a farce. Maybe it was just so that they could learn how to deal with them for when they sided with Voldemort.

“Do we need to know anything about tomorrow night?” Sirius asked. He was too close again. Remus could practically see the light from the fire glinting in his grey eyes. It was strange, because he sounded almost excited.

“You’re going to have your throat torn out,” Remus answered, unable to help the words from slipping out.

“You worry too much,” Sirius told him. “I promise that everything will be okay.” He smiled lazily.

…  
Remus hurried through the forest. He could hear James and Sirius walking behind him, but they hardly seemed concerned. Remus hated the idea of not being with his pack on a full, but when James and Sirius had actually refused to leave, he knew he had to do something. The only thing he could think of was to try and get them as far from the rest of the pack. They had started out on foot right after they had finished eating.

The tension in the pack had been tangible, and Remus could feel it as well. He felt hyper alert, his senses heightened by the impending change. At the same time, his joints burned, creating a sort of pleasant agony that he had grown used to.

The sun was low now. The shadows were long across the forest floor. Remus let out a huff of breath, which still hung in the air before him. He decided to stop. He didn’t know what else to do. The pack would spread out across the forest as they shifted. If they found James and Sirius, he didn’t know what would happen. He would be able to control himself so that he didn’t hurt them, but he had no intention of harming any member of his pack simply to protect either of them. They had made their decision despite Remus’ warnings.

He turned to face the two of them. Sirius still looked entirely calm. He was walking in that slouched way of his, his hands tucked into his pockets. James didn’t exactly looked worried, although Remus could see where his jaw was slightly tense.

“You could still go,” Remus repeated. He knew wizards could Apparate. There was no reason they couldn’t disappear.

“Remus,” Sirius said. He leaned forward and rested on a hand on Remus’ shoulder that Remus couldn’t help but look down at. “Everything will be okay.” Sirius said, still smiling. He glanced over at James then, who nodded and then took a step back. Remus shifted from one foot to the other, his stomach tightening a little as he waited to see what was happening. His eyes flitted up to the sky where the moon was already visible, heavy and full in the sky. The sun wasn’t visible any longer and there was just a dusting of pink along the horizon. He looked back at Sirius and James.

Sirius was still grinning, but James shut his eyes and let out a heavy breath.

If he had blinked, he would have missed it. He hadn’t known what to expect, but surely it wasn’t this. Before him, was a dog and a stag. Remus stared in surprise, but then the dog barked and went tearing past him, running a wide circle around him and the stag before coming to a stop right where it had been again. It started wagging its tail energetically. Remus hadn’t considered this. He knew it was a rare gift for some wizards to be able to turn into animals, but he hadn’t thought that that was what Sirius was referring to when he had said that they had already taken _precautions._

Yet, he hadn’t ever thought of this as a way for someone to spend a full moon with him.

He had little time to marvel over the possible genius of the plan before the sun disappeared completely. Pain wrenched through his insides and he found himself forced to the ground as his body began to crack and contort, shifting to slip from the skin of a boy into the fur of a wolf. It had never been comfortable, but Remus had learned to tolerate it. Even as he was almost blinded by what was happening, he managed to briefly wonder over how little pain Sirius and James seemed to have been in.

When everything was finished, he pushed himself to his paws and shook, letting the motion ripple through his entire body. He always felt stronger like this, encased in a body that was made of sheer muscle and reacted to sheer instinct. Remus trotted over to the dog, _Sirius_ , brushing against him and nipping at his shoulder before tilting his head back to howl. The sound echoed into the night, filling up the spaces the trees left in the forest.

The stag lagged behind, but the dog seemed to have no fear of him. As soon as Remus had passed him, the dog ran at him, tackling him full force. They went tumbling to the ground, rolling circle after circle as they struggled to dominate each other. Teeth flashed briefly, digging into fur without breaking any skin. Eventually the dog relented, whining pitifully up at the wolf before licking him across the muzzle with his long, pink tongue.

Before Remus could react, the dog was wriggling out from underneath him, and they went tearing through the forest, chasing after each other. The stag loped somewhere behind them, never exactly joining in their play, but never far behind.

…  
When Remus woke up, he was surprised by the sun that was shining directly on his face. He groaned and tried to roll over, throwing one arm over his face. He was surprised when his body came into rough contact with another. He started a little, his eyes opening once again. He sat up just slightly, bending at the waist. He was equally surprised to see Sirius splayed out beside him, still fast asleep despite Remus’ collision with him. His brow was wrinkled a little, and he murmured something under his breath that Remus didn’t catch, but he didn’t actually wake.

Remus glanced around after a moment. They hadn’t ever made it back to the pack. They were outside in the forest, which was unusual. Remus knew that everyone was going to wonder where he was. He had never not made it back before dawn and from the height of the sun in the sky, it was well past dawn. He didn’t exactly know where they were either. He didn’t recognize many of the trees around them, meaning that they were far into the forest from where the pack lived.

The memories of last night were practically crystal clear. Sometimes, when he transformed, his memories became a bit hazy, as if seen through a fog. His father had always lectured him that he would remember more, have more control, the more accepting he was of what he was. It wasn’t something he had had particular issue with, but last night was something of a beacon in his mind.

He practically stared down at Sirius, who was liberally streaked with mud and dirt. Remus was certain that he even had a few leaves tangled in his hair. The sight of them brought a small smile to his face.

He’d never run with anyone before who wasn’t a part of his pack.

He reached down and started to smooth a few of the leaves out of Sirius’ hair. He knew he shouldn’t linger here. He knew he should wake Sirius up and say that they had to get back, but for some reason, it just wasn’t in him. His entire body felt languid after the long run, his muscles loose and sore all in the same mix. He wouldn’t mind just falling back asleep although the ground was a little rough, pressing painfully up against his hip.

Before he could make his decision, Sirius blinked sleepily up at him. He squinted a little, looking less put together than Remus was used to seeing him. He glanced up at Remus and then glanced down at him, and Remus could make out the faintest of blushes crossing over his high cheekbones.

As if on cue, Sirius sat up, coughing a little and running a hand through his mussed hair.

“Where’s James?” Sirius asked.

“I’m not sure,” Remus admitted. “I doubt he’s far.” He sat up as well and then stood, offering a hand to Sirius. He could see Sirius hesitate, but he still accepted it. It was possible that James had headed back without them. He started to walk, leading the way back toward where he knew the pack to be.

“James!” Sirius shouted almost immediately. Remus didn’t berate him. He didn’t think there was anyone else around to hear.

From a few feet to their right, they heard a faint groan. Remus and Sirius glanced over just in time to see James sitting up from behind a nearby bush. If Remus had thought that Sirius’ hair was full of leaves, it wasn’t nothing compared to James’. He couldn’t help but smile.

“How’d you get over there, tosser?” Sirius asked James, although he glanced over at Remus, clearly enjoying James’ nest of hair as well.

James mumbled something that was incomprehensible, but before long they were heading back through the forest. He could tell that James and Sirius were both exhausted. Usually when the two were together, they didn’t cease talking. But they were practically silent as Remus led them back to the pack. When they arrived, they were, as usual, the center of attention; Remus didn’t miss the worried and surprised glances when they came. He escorted James and Sirius back to his home first, figuring that it was best to let them get a few hours of sleep. He was tired as well, but he knew he couldn’t sleep the day away.

Plenty of the pack did on days after fulls though, especially the children, so their camp was quiet. Remus sat down heavily near where the fire usually burned. A few of his pack came over to make sure that he was okay, and he reassured them with smiles and nods that everything was fine.

It should have come as no surprise when one of his brothers arrived in the early afternoon, but it still did.  
Marrok arrived with little warning and none of his pack. He clapped his hand on Remus’ shoulder, causing Remus to start. It was the first indication he had that his brother had arrived. Marrok laughed a little when he saw that he had been able to sneak up on Remus. It wasn’t often, and Remus was in no mood to explain the reasons why he had been so distracted.

“Am I getting better or are you out of practice?” Marrok asked, leaning forward with a wide grin.

“We all know you’re not getting better,” Remus returned, feeling the need for the normal banter even if his heart wasn’t in it at the moment. Marrok was perhaps the brother he was closest with. They had been changed close to the same time, Marrok bitten mere moons after Remus. They had grown up as litter mates and had been practically inseparable for several years or, at least, until they had each gotten their own pack. Marrok’s pack ran closely with their father’s. To be placed in Marrok’s pack was a point of honor, often considering a stepping stone to actually getting into Fenrir’s pack.

Even now, Remus could make out a series of scratches that ran their way deeply across one of Marrok’s broad shoulders. It looked as if it was just starting to heal and Remus was careful not to look at it for too long.

“What an unexpected treat it is to have you here, brother,” Remus said after a moment, his words still teasing. “Did you manage to get lost during the full last night?” He figured that Marrok had traveled throughout part of the night, probably foregoing the usual hunt that his pack partook in. Even as he said the words, he knew that the truth of the matter was that Marrok had, undoubtedly, been sent by their father to check up on how his progress with James and Sirius was going. They, like he had before last night, had probably all assumed that James and Sirius would leave before the full in order to ensure their own safety and that would be the end of the whole business.

“As if you could ever navigate woods better than me,” Marrok scoffed. “Father sent me to check on your visitors. I hope they left screaming.” Marrok commented as he gave him a toothy grin.

“They’re actually still here,” Remus answered, clearing his throat a little. He didn’t know why, but he was reluctant to share such information. He supposed it was because it meant sharing that Sirius and James could both turn into animals, that he had spent the full running with them. Sirius and James hadn’t told him not to tell anyone about their ability to transform and yet, Remus considered it a secret he was supposed to protect.

At the same time, Remus couldn’t help but feel frustrated with himself. He knew that one full shouldn’t change how he felt about either of them. Their words were still ringing cruelly in his head. He knew that Marrok would have torn them apart for saying that members of their pack didn’t belong here.

“Really,” Marrok said, his eyebrows rising. The teasing was gone from his voice. He was obviously surprised.  
“Asleep,” Remus said, nodding his head toward where his home was across the way. Marrok’s gaze drifted over, as if he half expected to see Sirius and James.

“They haven’t been a bother?” Marrok asked. The implication was clear. If they had been, Marrok would take care of it even if their father had given strict orders that neither James nor Sirius was to be hurt.

“Everything’s been fine,” Remus said neutrally. “It’s what we were expecting. I doubt they’ll be here much longer.” It wasn’t exactly true. He didn’t know how they long they would be here now. Suddenly, he wanted another full. He knew that was illogical. He looked away from Marrok, who was quiet for several moments.  
“Good,” he said finally. “That’s good.”

Marrok stayed for the rest of the afternoon, until after they had eaten their last meal of the day. After the topic of James and Sirius was let go, things seemed to go back to normal. They headed into the woods and discussed their packs, discussed their father. They hunted, they roughhoused, and Remus was almost sorry to see Marrok go when he headed back into the forest so that he could pass along what he had said to Fenrir.

It wasn’t long after Marrok left that Sirius woke. He wandered out, still looking a little blurred from sleep, and sat down next to Remus. He ate quietly for a bit, sitting too close in the way that he always seemed to.

“I wasn’t expecting it to be like that,” Sirius said abruptly. His voice was hoarse and Remus couldn’t help but stare at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Last night,” Sirius clarified. He met Remus’ gaze unabashedly. “I wasn’t expecting last night to be like that.” Remus didn’t need to ask how Sirius meant that. The awe in Sirius’ voice was clear, and it practically sent a shiver ricocheting down Remus’ spine because it seemed to reflect Remus’ own experience in a way he couldn’t explain.

“I’ve never really be with anyone that can keep up with me like that,” Sirius said. “It was so _free._ ” He sounded so enthused that Remus couldn’t help but feel some small burst of remorse for Sirius. He might have transformed into a dog, but that was fairly close to a wolf, and yet Sirius had no pack. He was alone.

For Remus, running with Sirius had been different because he rarely was able to run with someone for the pure pleasure of it, for the enjoyment. But he had still run with other people before. It wasn’t his first time all together. Not like Sirius.

“Is it always like that?” Sirius asked, and his voice was so intent, his gaze so focused, that Remus was practically cowed by it.

“No,” Remus answered honestly. “It’s not always like that.” It was almost never like that. For Sirius, it might be. Usually, the moons were filled with hunting, whether it was animals for survival or humans for sport or humans to strengthen their pack. He knew that Sirius would never see those things. He wouldn’t see the dual side of the fulls. He would see the aftermaths and he would see the simple and elegant side that the full could bring.

But Remus figured that the memory of everything he enjoyed about the fulls had been dimmed until Sirius had reminded him. They had been so caught up in preparing for a war that was certain to come sooner or later. He had forgotten how amazing it was just to lose himself to the sensation of running without the pressing need to survive.

Sirius started to say something, but Remus didn’t know what. Sirius didn’t seem to know either. He licked his lips for a moment and leaned in a bit closer. For a moment, Remus thought that he felt the tips of Sirius’ fingertips skirt over the back of his hand. Sensation laced along his skin, making it feel as if he had never been touched before. He stared openly at Sirius. Before the touch could solidify into something tangible, Sirius pulled away unexpectedly.

“Thanks,” Sirius said finally. “James and I appreciate what you’ve done for us.”

Remus nodded, but said nothing aloud.

They didn’t talk for the rest of the evening. James woke up, although he didn’t look much better than he had when they had woken up in the forest. They both ate dinner and before long they were jesting in the usual way they did. Most of the children joined them for dinner and eagerly gathered around Sirius, hoping that he or James would tell them a story. They had started off with what Remus had suspected were typical wizarding fairy tales, but were now resorting to what Remus rather thought were pure invention.

For once, Remus retreated earlier than both of them. He was tired and had no problem sinking into the soft bedding of furs. He was asleep within seconds.

“-mus?”

Remus could feel that it was late when he groggily opened his eyes. It took him several seconds to understand what had roused him. Something shifted at his back and when he rolled over, Sirius was there. He was partially propped up. Remus could only faintly make him out in the dark. He looked over a bit further and could see where James was sprawled out. Based on the snores, he could tell that James was asleep.

“Are you awake?” Sirius asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

“Yes,” Remus answered, shifting. His voice was still laced with sleep, but he tried to focus. “What’s wrong?”

“I couldn’t sleep,” Sirius said. The answer was so petulant, almost juvenile, that Remus didn’t know if he should be amused or frustrated that Sirius had decided to wake him up instead of James. He rubbed a hand over his face, some of the adrenaline starting to fade from his body. He was close to falling back to sleep now.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sirius asked when Remus didn’t answer him. Remus hesitated.

“Yes,” he said after a pause. He didn’t know exactly what Sirius was going to ask him, but after today, after hearing the tone of Sirius’ voice, he was feeling a little wary.

“Do you remember anything before coming here?” Sirius asked. He sounded just as hesitant. Remus was quiet for a long time. No one had ever asked him what he remembered from being before bit. It was like admitting that he hadn’t always been a werewolf which was something they didn’t often contend with. Remus also couldn’t help but recall Sirius’ words -- that the children didn’t belong here. Remus felt as if Sirius was looking for more proof to back up his theory. He didn’t want Sirius to use his words against him.

“Pieces,” Remus said, almost impassively. He could faintly remember the people who had been his parents. He didn’t like thinking about it. It made him feel uncomfortable; he supposed that his disdain for the memories had caused them to fade faster. But he could remember his mother’s face, and the way that her voice had sounded when she had put him to bed. He couldn’t remember what his father had looked like. He existed only as a stern warning in Remus’ mind, a constant barrage that he wasn’t supposed to go outside because it wasn’t safe.

More clearly, he could remember being upset when Fenrir had first brought him here. He’d been sick for a long time. He knew that he was one of the first to actually survive, but he could only guess at how close to dying he had actually come. It had been painful. He still had the scar, ragged and uneven, practically jutting out from his torso.  
He slowly came back to himself, realizing that Sirius was no longer sitting up. He was lying down again, but was close, watching Remus, as if he was waiting for him to say something more.

“You were probably a wizard,” Sirius told him. Remus looked up at Sirius and felt a brief flush of anger. What Sirius was saying was practically blasphemous amongst the packs. It smacked of what might have been and what never could be and Remus had always wasted very little time with regret. He was practical and made the best of what he had.

“And?” Remus asked, wondering just what Sirius was dancing about. “Do you expect me to want to come back with you? To be saved?”

Remus could see the flash of hurt and surprise that zipped across Sirius’ features for a second. He had caught him off guard.

“No,” Sirius half sputtered. Remus could hear traces of anger beginning to weave their way into Sirius’ words as well. “I’m just asking if you’re really happy here.”

“I am,” Remus said dismissively. He didn’t know what else Sirius could have expected. Sirius might have been quick to judge the life they had, but he wondered if Sirius had considered where most of these children would be if they had been left within the wizarding world. Certainly, most of them of would have been pitied when they were younger. It hadn’t been their faults. But as they got older, their entire world would begin to despise them, ostracize them. Remus was perfectly aware that _his_ world had plenty of limitations, but he wasn’t about to trade it for one that didn’t even want him.

“Dumbledore’s trying to make things better,” Sirius said, practically just breathing the words out; it was as if he was aware that Remus didn’t want to discuss it any longer, but pressed forward anyway.

“For you,” Remus insisted. “Not for us.”

“He’s not like that,” Sirius answered heatedly, pushing himself to an elbow so that he was looking down at Remus. “You think Voldemort’s going to make it all better? He’s just going to use you in anyway he can.”

Sirius was speaking too loudly. Before Remus could answer, James mumbled out, “What the hell are you two doing?” Both Remus and Sirius fell silent. Sirius dropped back down, rolling onto his back with a huff. Remus rolled away as well, although there was still a tight anger thrumming in his veins. He didn’t expect Sirius to understand. He had never expected any of them to understand, so he didn’t know what it was that had gotten under his skin.

…  
Remus was awakened again shortly after dawn. His eyes felt gritty when he heard the soft voice calling him from outside. He sat up, feeling exhausted. When he glanced over, Sirius and James were still asleep. Sirius’ back was facing him.

He got up and headed outside. One of the women who had been preparing breakfast was waiting for him.

“There’s an owl,” she said uncertainly.

Remus was surprised by this. They didn’t use owls to communicate like wizards did. Typically, they just moved from one pack to another when they needed to spread a message. If there was an owl, most likely it was for James or Sirius. They hadn’t used one yet. He wasn’t sure why one would come now.

He headed over to where the bird was perched. It hooted once at him, but refused to relinquish the envelope it was holding. Still, Remus was able to get close enough to make out the looping _J_ at the start of the recipient’s name. It was for James.

It didn’t take long for Remus to have Sirius and James both out. Sirius still wasn’t meeting his gaze, but James was so distracted by the prospect of a letter, that he didn’t seem to notice anything was amiss. James grabbed at the letter as quickly as he could and ripped it open. The owl let out a noise of protest. Sirius hovered close to James’ shoulder, but Remus gave the two of them some distance.

James read the letter quickly and then clenched in between his fingers and looked up at Sirius. His face was unusually pale and his eyes were visibly round beneath his glasses. He said something to Sirius that Remus couldn’t hear from where he was.

“What?”

He could, however, hear Sirius’ reaction, loud and volatile. Remus couldn’t tell if his reaction was good or not.  
James didn’t answer Sirius. He seemed to become aware of his surroundings once again and looked back at Remus, who felt oddly as if he was intruding. James quickly slipped the letter away entirely and then walked over to him.

“I have to go,” James said, his words a bit halting. “I wouldn’t if I didn’t have to, but I have to, so.” He stopped speaking and awkwardly held his hand out to Remus. Remus took it, feeling that he needed to help James in some manner. He wanted to apologize for whatever news that James had just gotten, but he didn’t want to interfere where it wasn’t his place.

He shook Remus’ hand briefly before letting go. He looked back at Sirius over his shoulder before heading back toward the surrounding forest. Sirius took a few steps closer and was suddenly standing beside Remus watching after James.

“Do you need to go too?” Remus asked, assuming that Sirius would go with James.

“I should stay,” Sirius said, but his voice was uncertain. “His wife is pregnant.” Sirius sounded off balance. “I can’t help.” It seemed like a difficult thing to admit.

“Are you sure?” Remus asked, his voice low.

“Yes,” Sirius answered. He sounded more certain this time.

“You should go check on him before he leaves,” Remus said, pressing Sirius forward a little. Sirius met his gaze, and the all the anger seemed to have finally dissipated. He looked a little younger than Remus had expected. He looked almost vulnerable. Remus was surprised and felt bad for the pair of them all once. He didn’t understand why the news seemed so upsetting, but now didn’t seem the time to inquire. Sirius nodded and then took off at a slow run and disappeared into the forest.

“Are Sirius and James okay?” one of the kids asked, running up to him to tug on his hand. “Are they going to leave now?” she asked, her brow furrowing with worry.

“They’ll be okay,” Remus promised with a smile, although he didn’t know anything of the sort.

It wasn’t long before Sirius came trudging back, looking rather put out. The sudden realization that it was going to be just him and Sirius for an undefined amount of time suddenly hit Remus. James had been something of a constant; he knew what to expect from James. But with Sirius, things were all over the place. He still didn’t understand what had happened when they had been discussing running together and he was still frustrated with him over their argument last night. Both the best and worst moments of their visit so far had been with Sirius.

…  
Sirius avoided him for the rest of the day. Remus let him. He could tell that Sirius was upset, and he decided that it was best to leave Sirius to himself.

Yet, around dusk, he realized that he didn’t see Sirius at all. He wasn’t entirely certain where he had gone at all. It seemed unlikely that Sirius would have decided to leave anyway, especially without telling him, but he figured it was possible. However, it was hardly an idea that he was going to rely on. He knew that if Sirius was hurt in anyway, he would be the one responsible.

Dinner passed and there was no sign of Sirius and Remus started to actually worry. He started to carefully ask the children if they had seen where Sirius had gone to; they answered, with no worry, that he had gone into the woods.  
It wasn’t a surprise, but it wasn’t helpful. That meant any number of things. There were plenty of creatures in the woods that could harm a wizard and to be honest, Remus had little idea if Sirius kept his wand with him. He hadn’t seen either James or Sirius use one, but he doubted they hadn’t brought them.

With the night becoming darker around them, Remus knew he had few choices left. He was going to have to search for Sirius. He was able to glean where Sirius had last been seen and then slipped into the forest. When he was a fair distance from the camp, he paused.

He did this rarely. It was something that his father had made sure that he was able to do. It had taken him a long time and he had had to practice for an endless amount of time.

He transformed into his wolf form. It was far more painful than on the full, his body seeming to fight the transformation every step of the way. He could feel each agonizing twist. He shook himself when he was done.

He was one of the rare few who could transform into a wolf when the moon wasn't full. It had only happened when he was completely comfortable with who he was. It was still easier around the full, but now that Remus had seen James and Sirius transform, he couldn't help but quietly wonder if perhaps his non-moon transformation was more similar to theirs.

Remus stuck his nose to the ground and was able to catch a faint trace of Sirius. He began to follow, trotting quickly along the ground. It didn’t take him long to realize that Sirius had transformed as well, was running somewhere in the woods as a dog. Remus didn’t know what that meant.

He ran through the forest, moving as fast as his paws could carry him; the tight muscles of the wolf gave him extra speed and it wasn’t long at all before he was able to find Sirius. He couldn’t help the relief that washed through him when he found him, unharmed. The sensation was made more simple through the wolf’s eyes, but was there all the same.

Remus transformed back into himself, able to feel the way his chest was heaving. He felt exhausted. His body ached in a way that it hadn’t in a long time, as though his sockets hadn’t fit back together properly, as if his muscles had been pulled out and looped back inside him.

“What are you doing out here?” Remus asked, his voice hoarse. “It’s dangerous.”

Sirius jumped visibly and whirled about. Remus could tell that he was struggling to see, perhaps hadn’t realized how late it was until Remus had arrived.

“I just--” Sirius shrugged, as if he couldn’t find the proper words. Remus closed the distance between them, placing a hand on Sirius’ arm. Sirius stared at him.

“How’d you do that?” he asked, sounding distracted. His voice was hoarse. “The moon isn’t full.”

Remus hesitated. He didn’t know if that was something he should be sharing with Sirius, but it was obvious that he couldn’t hide it now.

“I can change sometimes without the moon,” Remus said evasively. “We need to get going. We should head back.”

“Can all werewolves do that?” Sirius asked curiously.

“No,” Remus answered flatly. “Come on.”

They started to walk. It was slower going on foot. Remus was half-tempted to ask Sirius to transform so that they could run back, but Sirius didn’t mention it and Remus wasn’t certain if he was entirely comfortable with the idea of running when he wasn’t supposed to.

“I just needed a moment,” Sirius said abruptly, as if suddenly remembering the answer to Remus’ earlier question.

He was half stumbling and Remus knew they would be heard from miles away. After a moment Remus finally reached out and simply took Sirius’ hand, figuring that would be easiest and probably keep Sirius from tripping. Probably.

“I didn’t expect her to get pregnant so quick,” Sirius continued, even though Remus hadn’t said anything at all. Remus could feel his fingers squeeze gently around his. Sirius’ hand was a little sweaty and streaked with dirt. Remus knew that he should have found the sensation uncomfortable, but he didn’t.

“She’s good for James, I guess,” Sirius kept talking. “I love her a lot. But everything’s kind of crazy now and they’re going to have a baby. And I guess that it might be ―”

He cut himself off. Remus was surprised by the sudden silence and wondered what exactly Sirius had been about to say. He didn’t press further. Something had obviously gone awry. Clearly, there was something more happening than a simple pregnancy.

“James seems like he’ll be a good father,” Remus answered, figuring that was a neutral statement. “I’m sure everything will work out for the best.”

Remus heard Sirius exhale heavily. His fingers loosened a little.

“Can we go running?” Sirius asked instead. He sounded as if he was trying to force himself to sound happy. Remus knew, implicitly, that he meant transformed, not literal running.

“Not tonight,” Remus answered. It was late already. He didn’t know what was around. And he suspected that his brothers wouldn’t approve of him transforming on a non-full simply for the purpose of entertaining Sirius.

Sirius fell silent and Remus could only hope that he hadn’t offended him. They broke through the trees and Remus could see the flames from the fire.

“Head in,” Remus instructed. “I’ll get you something to eat.”

…  
Sirius was more withdrawn, quieter, during the following days. He still ate with them and told his stories to the children. But he seemed to have lost some of his shine in James’ absence. Days dragged on and Remus didn’t know what he was supposed to tell Sirius. He let Sirius do as he pleased, trying to remind himself that things were perhaps better this way. Sirius was distracted; it was unlikely that he was collecting information for Dumbledore. They sometimes ate meals together, but Remus mostly only saw Sirius before they went to sleep. He knew that Sirius wasn’t sleeping well, but it was practically a week before Sirius woke Remus up again in the middle of the night.

He was pushed to consciousness by the sound of rustling, and for a moment, he thought someone else had broken in. When his eyes finally adjusted, he saw that Sirius was hastily stripping off his clothes. Remus blinked.

“I’m going running,” Sirius hissed in the dark. “Whether you come with me or not.”

Remus rubbed a hand over his face, feeling frustrated. It was practically the dark of the moon now. It wasn’t a good time to be meandering about the forest, but he knew that he couldn’t allow Sirius to head out on his own. That was even more dangerous than the two of them heading out together.

When Remus didn’t answer right away, Sirius kept talking, sounding almost defensive.

“This is what I need to keep going,” Sirius said adamantly. He got up and headed for the door.

“Wait,” Remus said. He got up hastily, knowing that this wasn’t the right thing to do. But he had to protect Sirius. If he was being honest, some small part of himself didn’t exactly mind the idea of a follow-up of the full they had spent together. Things had been the least complicated between them then. It hadn’t mattered that they came from entirely different places, that there was the possibility they would be fighting against each other in a war soon. Everything had become simple and perfect, and Remus had found himself practically dependent on the notion of running with Sirius again.

He slipped off his clothes and they slipped outside. The air was cool, moist with dew. Sirius transformed first, the motion easy and fluid. Remus envied it. He rolled his shoulder blades once and shut his eyes. It was hard to do this when he was so far from the moon ― he wasn’t sure he could, if he was being honest.

He tried to find that part of himself that enjoyed being on four paws, exhilarated in the sensation of the wind in his fur, and the thrill of the chase. But it didn’t seem to do anything. Without warning, a cold nose came into contact with the back of his hand. He inhaled sharply; his bones ground together and that was all he needed. It was a painful transformation, everything taking too long, so that he felt the burn and twist of it even when he was in wolf form. But he had done it, regardless.

Sirius made no sound, but stuck that wet nose into his neck again before taking off.

The challenge was clear and Remus readily accepted it. They tore out of the camp, weaving into the woods. Remus could just make out the dark blur that Sirius created. His fur was so dark that it almost blended in with the shadows. Even when Remus temporarily lost sight of him, he could smell him; the scent of dog rang out strong and clear, something almost blindingly unique to the rest of the forest for some reason. It was strangely intriguing how close Sirius’ scent was to the dog’s. They were _almost_ the same.

Sirius was also devastatingly loud as he raced through the forest. Remus would have laughed at him had he been able. He didn’t even dare to howl at the moment.

It didn’t take long for Remus to overtake Sirius. He was larger, his legs longer, and he knew the forest better. He brushed up against Sirius as he caught up and temporarily matched the dog’s stride. Sirius looked over at him, tongue lolling out, and leaned. Their torsos brushed together before Sirius put on an extra burst of speed.

Remus let him get away once again, the distance between them growing. He repeated the pattern over and over, letting Sirius nearly outstrip him before catching up again. Finally, he leaned in and bit at the back of Sirius’ neck, causing the dog to finally cease his flight. He rolled onto the ground, dragging Remus down with him. Remus could feel the earth beneath them, the moist dirt and leaves smearing into their fur as they tumbled about. The smell of it was almost perfect, and he wanted to bury his nose into Sirius’ fur, certain that this was what Sirius would smell like if he actually belonged here.

He didn’t have time though, was too caught up in the way that Sirius had managed to pin him down, balanced precariously on his back. He was seated backwards, so that he had a mouthful of Remus’ tail and Remus let out a low, but playful growl. Sirius yipped and pranced off of him, still maintaining the hold on his tail. Remus spun around, throwing his front legs onto Sirius to bring them both back down. Sirius wriggled wildly underneath him, half bucking, before taking off into the forest again. Remus followed without hesitation.

They ran all night before finally stopping close to dawn. Sirius transformed back first without warning and Remus halted in his tracks, his instincts singing. He hadn’t been prepared to deal with this, with this sudden offering of flesh, where all the vulnerable points were open and exposed. He couldn’t help but shift, bringing his shoulders higher, his belly lower to the ground.

Sirius turned to look at him; there was no fear in his eyes. Remus straightened up, although he came no closer. He closed his eyes, let himself feel the dark of the moon, and then also transformed back.

When he opened his eyes again, he was startled to find that Sirius was close to him. His hair was a mess, whipped in every direction. There was a smear of mud over the bridge of his nose. Another curved around his neck, creating a pattern that curled onto his chest. Remus found that he couldn’t look away, nor did he want to.

He wasn’t surprised, not really, when Sirius reached up and wove one hand through his own mussed hair and closed the small distance between them. Their mouths met, teeth clashing for a moment before Sirius’ found purchase in Remus’ lower lip. Remus could feel the pressure of them threatening to split the tender skin there.

He reached forward then, his own hands finding solid purchase on Sirius’ hips. He could feel the bones underneath the surface, shifting as Sirius tried to get closer. They were smeared with mud as well, some of it already caked to Sirius’ bare skin. He ran his thumb along it as Sirius thrust his tongue into his mouth. Remus surged forward, meeting Sirius every step of the way.

His head felt dizzy and heady. He couldn’t stop to think about anything that was happening, too caught up in the sensation of the kiss, of Sirius’ hand briefly clenching in his hair before making its way down his neck.

When Sirius finally drew back to take a breath, Remus didn’t want him to. Sirius licked at his lower lip almost nervously and continued to look at him. They were both still and in the distance Remus could hear the sound of birds beginning to wake. Sirius’ mouth looked too red and Remus thought it looked obscenely perfect that way.

“I’m going to do that again,” Sirius said, his voice low. He was already leaning in again. He bumped their mouths together and Remus moved from there. He ran his tongue anxiously along Sirius’ lower lip and bit briefly at the corners of his mouth. Sirius tilted his head without warning and began to lick his way hungrily into Remus’ mouth. Remus couldn’t help but the small moan that rose up in the back of his throat. It sounded ridiculously loud in the relative quiet of the forest surrounding them.

Sirius shifted their weight and brought them crashing back to the ground. Their teeth clicked together for a moment and Remus jarred his elbow, his knee banging into Sirius’ thigh, but none of that seemed to matter. Sirius ran his hands along Remus’ back, feeling out all the scars that Remus already knew. He could feel Sirius’ fingertips pause over each of them, tracing the lines of them. Remus had certainly never been embarrassed of them, but he hardly knew what to make of the sensation that curled tight and warm in his belly as Sirius began to explore his body.

“I’ve been staying for all the wrong reasons,” Sirius said in a low laugh against his mouth. Remus didn’t know what he meant by that ― if he was staying for _this_ or if he meant that he should have been staying for this, but Remus found that he didn’t really care. He pulled back to breathe unevenly, and Sirius looked up at him and grinned. He pulled one hand up and tucked a few strands of hair back behind Remus’ ear.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for awhile,” Sirius confessed. “But I didn’t know what you’d do.” His grin grew a little wider. “You’re so hard to read.”

Remus didn’t know what to say. His brain felt a mess. He found himself simply staring at Sirius while his thoughts fought to contend with everything that had just happened. He knew he had probably made a mistake. There was no way that anything good could come of this. He had responsibilities and becoming _involved_ with Sirius complicated them. It was entirely possibly that Sirius was even using that to his advantage. His insides turned rather cold. He sat up and ran a hand through his hair as if he was trying to mess it up again. He sat down on the ground, aware of the way Sirius was sitting up beside him.

He wasn’t smiling any longer, but was frowning.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching for Remus’ hand. Remus pulled away.

“You can’t really think this is a good idea,” he said simply. “It’s best not to complicate things. You’ll leave soon.”  
He could feel Sirius shift on the ground beside him, becoming a little closer.

“I-” Sirius started to say. He stopped, and Remus didn’t know why. He glanced briefly over at Sirius. He was chewing on his lower lip, his brow furrowed.

“You don’t belong here,” Sirius said finally. Remus couldn’t help the way his eyebrows darted up into his hairline. Out of all the things he had expected Sirius to say, that wasn’t one of them. He could feel his anger return. He _knew_ Sirius judged everything here, and this latest outburst only reminded him of that. He started to stand, but Sirius caught his wrist, keeping him in place.

“You _don’t,_ ” Sirius insisted, pushing forward brazenly. “You might have convinced yourself otherwise, but it’s true. You might enjoy running with me every now and then, but I can tell you don’t really like killing anybody, and I doubt you enjoy changing anyone either. Do you really like seeing all those kids being taken from their families?” He paused again and tried to pull Remus closer. “I found that trunk you keep.”

Remus froze, surprised and outraged by the revelation. He hadn’t told anybody about that ― Sirius would have had to have been looking, would have to have been somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be ―

“Books and tea and chocolate,” Sirius said. “That’s what you keep hidden. Things you aren’t supposed to keep here. You _know_ you belong back with me. Are you actually going to start helping in the slaughter when your _father_ and _brothers_ decide to side with Voldemort? You _know_ it’s wrong.”  
“They’re family,” Remus said coldly, pulling his hand out of Sirius’ grasp out of Sirius’ hold. He pushed himself hastily to his feet before Sirius could grab them again.

“Family is what you make of it,” Sirius said angrily. He got up as well although he didn’t reach for Remus again. Remus started to walk away from Sirius, but Sirius just keep talking. “And they’re _not_ your family. They took you from your real family and have been making you into something you’re not all these years. What I don’t understand is why you’ve been putting up with it. I know you’re stronger than that.”

Remus spun on his heel, unable to listen to Sirius any longer. He pushed him roughly, sending him stumbling back. He could see the brief flash of surprise that flooded across Sirius’ features and took an obscene amount of pleasure in it.  
“Why do you think you know anything about me?” Remus asked in a low voice.

“Because I _do_ ,” Sirius said, sounding desperate. He reached for Remus, but his touch was gentle, fingertips searching for the side of Remus’ face. “I can see _you._ ”

Remus took a hasty step backward, because he was wary of letting Sirius touch him. His body was thrumming with adrenaline, a heady mixture that stemmed both from their fight and their earlier activities. He found that he didn’t know what to say to Sirius this time. He didn’t like the way that Sirius was looking at him any longer. There was no anger there. He looked simply as if he was pleading with Remus to listen. But Remus didn’t want to.

He turned and began to walk again. There was silence for a long time, and then, finally, he heard Sirius shuffling after him. He didn’t say anything else, but followed Remus resolutely back to camp. Everyone was already awake when they arrived and watched quietly as Remus, and then Sirius, entered Remus’ home and then exited separately.

…  
Remus went to sleep without waiting for Sirius to come inside. He had briefly dug up the trunk he had hidden underneath the furs and stared at the contents. They didn’t look touched, but Remus knew that Sirius had found them all the same. They were just a few things that he had kept from trading in the village. Five books littered the bottom, their spines creased although their pages were pristine. He had always loved reading and though plenty of stories were swapped over the campfires, Remus didn’t find it to be quite the same. He tucked the book back inside and closed the top. Sighing, he pressed his head against the trunk.

He wished Sirius would just leave now. He knew that he wouldn’t. He knew that Sirius would stubbornly stay because things might have been terrible here, but the only choice they had was to persevere. They had responsibilities, and at the very least, those bound them together.

Remus went to sleep with his back facing the door, hoping that he wouldn’t hear Sirius whenever he came in.  
He didn’t.

Instead, he was awakened to his name and two small hands pressing into his back. He rolled over, his brain feeling sluggish. He couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to ever sleep through the night again. Three of the children were inside, looking down at him, their eyes wide. Remus felt a sense of trepidation. His eyes skipped over to where Sirius should have been and wasn’t surprised to find that he wasn’t there. He must have left. Remus must have gotten what he had wanted. He felt some small measure of regret.

“Sirius is in the forest,” one of the children whispered.

Gone was Remus’ regret; it was instantly replaced with frustration. It seemed to be one of the only emotions he felt when Sirius was around. He dropped his head back against the furs and let an arm drape over his face. He didn’t want to go chasing after Sirius again. He wondered if Sirius had planed this, if perhaps he had simply skipped over asking whether they would be allowed to run again. He had to have known that Remus would go chasing after him again. He didn’t want to this time, but ―

“There’s something else in there,” the same voice repeated, but there was more fear this time. Remus looked up in surprise. There were plenty of creatures that could, theoretically, bother them. That was why he wanted Sirius to stay close, to remain safe. But he didn’t know what would actually cause the children to sound so worried. They dismissed most of the warnings as Sirius did.

He got up and started outside, each of the three children following him in toe. They held onto his hands and he took them with until he reached the edge of the forest. He listened for a moment. It took him a long time to hear anything. But then he could hear something moving through the trees, perhaps dragging something. It was large and Remus’ hair stood up on the back of his neck. He didn’t know what would be that large and in this area.

“Did you hear it, Remus?”

“Go back,” Remus instructed, nodding at each of them in turn. He waited until they had disappeared back inside before tearing off into the forest. He took off on foot at first, trying to remember what it was that had helped him transform last time. The moon was gone from him, and the forest tore into the soles of his feet as he ran. He couldn’t smell Sirius anywhere, felt as if his senses were blinded entirely. He felt helpless and yet he knew he couldn’t leave Sirius.

As much as he hated it, some part of him knew that it had been the prospect of running with Sirius that had allowed him to transform yesterday. But Sirius wasn’t here now and Remus was angry with him. Angry that he was stubborn enough to stay, persisted in criticizing him and his pack. He was angry with himself for being attracted to Sirius, because there was no way that anything could ever come of it.

He heard a dog whimper from somewhere on his left and he turned directions, nearly slipping on wet leaves in the process. The smash of a tree hitting the ground echoed seconds later and he knew he wasn’t far off.

He still couldn’t see, even if he could hear that something was happening. His heart was pounding loudly in his ears, because he was afraid of what he would find.

Abruptly, his fear overtook him and he found himself on four paws. The transformation was quick, nearly as smooth as one coaxed by a full moon, even if his entire body still screamed with the transformation. Everything had gone too fast, leaving his body reeling with confusion as to what state it was in. Remus had no time to hesitate though. He barely broke stride; his senses suddenly exploded into being as a thousand scents overtook him and his eyes penetrated into the depths of the forest.

He could smell Sirius; he was so close, radiating something that was clearly tinged with fear. Remus burst out next to him, racing past the dog who was low to the ground, hackles raised and growling. In front of him was a forest troll, its skin motley green, hair sparse and wild brown. It was clumsily waving its club, obviously taking aim at the dog.

Remus moved in before it could react, leaping up and sinking his teeth into the flesh of its arm. It tore instantly, showering Remus in messy blood as he fell back to the ground. The troll bellowed and swung with the club, trying to aim for him and coming no where close. Remus had no time to check where Sirius was, could only hope that he had been smart enough to run back and take cover.

He bit at the troll’s legs where he could, snarling and growling the entire time. He hoped the noise would be enough to send the troll off. He’d never seen one this close before and didn’t know what could have sent it wandering into their midst, but he was anxious to be rid of it. Remus managed to sink his teeth into the back of its calf, tearing deep. The taste that flooded his mouth was practically enough to make him sick, but Remus didn’t relent. He dragged backwards until the troll went tumbling.

Remus moved nimbly out of the way, trying to avoid the troll as it went down. He managed to get out of the way, but the club caught him roughly on the shoulder. Pain flared through him and he couldn’t help the whine that tore its way out of the wolf’s throat. He pulled away, the ground still shaking beneath his paws from where the troll was sprawled.

He leapt up the instant he could, ignoring the throbbing pain in his shoulder. He gained footing on the troll’s broad chest and sank his teeth down into its throat, trying to finish what he had started. It took a bit of work for his teeth to break through the thick flesh. Blood covered his snout, dripping down into the fur along his throat.

The troll shook and bellowed beneath him. It raised up one giant hand and batted at him. Remus went flying without warning. He collided with a nearby tree and fell to the ground below. The world went dizzy around him and it was suddenly quite difficult to breathe. Pain lanced through his ribs every time he tried to take a breath.

The smell of the troll was overwhelming him and he didn’t realize that it was right upon him until the club made connection with his hindquarters. Remus couldn’t help the sound it tore out of him, the whine high and loud.

It was hard to move, but he ran, trying to whip his way back around the troll to avoid being hit again. It lumbered after him, its motions slow. Before they could make a complete circle, the troll was hit roughly with a jet of bright light. Remus glanced briefly over at where it had come from, dropping low to his belly. Sirius was there, looking just as rough as he felt, holding his wand in an outstretched arm.

Remus ignored him and leapt back on the troll, his teeth back into its throat. It didn’t move this time and Remus made quick work of it, only just able to feel the faint shudder that ran through its body.

Once it was dead, Remus half-rolled off of it, landing on the ground nearby. He kept low to the ground, his entire right side burning with pain. He knew he was badly injured and his mind was beginning to become more wolf in an effort to preserve himself. He heard footsteps from somewhere nearby and he let out a low, dangerous growl, his hackles rising in warning.

“Remus?” Sirius’ voice was tentative, but Remus watched as he stepped closer. Some part of him recognized that Sirius still wasn’t afraid even as the growling in his throat became louder. Sirius faltered for a moment. “Can you change back?” he asked. He didn’t come any closer, and Remus remained where he was. His growling quieted a little, although his body remained tense, coiled, and ready to strike. The sound in his throat was a quiet rumbling.

He didn’t want to change back because it would hurt. He looked up at Sirius’ grey eyes in the dark of the forest. Some part of him still recognized that Sirius was in danger, so, growling a bit deeper, he tried to concentrate on shifting back. It was much harder than he had expected although the moon was so thin. There was something out of place on his right side and it made it difficult for everything else to shift beneath the surface of his skin.

Remus couldn’t help but cry out when he found himself on two legs again. He had been certain for a moment that something was going to pierce the surface of his skin. He nearly went down to his knees, but Sirius stepped in and deftly caught him. He pulled one arm across his shoulders, treating Remus gingerly.

“You’re okay,” Sirius promised in a quiet voice. He took a careful step forward and Remus tried to match it, gritting his teeth all the while. He disliked his dependency on Sirius. He rarely liked anybody seeing that he was hurt. There wasn’t much he could do on his own. The trek through the forest seemed infinitely longer when he was leaning on Sirius. He had made such quick work of it when he had been searching for him, but now it seemed to stretch on for forever. He tried to pay attention to where they were going, listening for anything else that could be approaching them. He didn’t know what would happen if they were attacked again. He knew he wouldn’t be much use and while Sirius had his wand, Remus had never had much faith in magic.

Luckily, they managed to make it through the rest of the forest without mishap. When they broke the line of the trees, there were already a few people waiting expectantly for them, obviously having been awakened by either the children or the sound of the fight. Remus pushed off of Sirius’ shoulder, refusing to be seen leaning on him by the rest of his pack.

“I-” Sirius started to say hastily, but Remus cut him off.

“I’m fine,” Remus said, even though he knew he was visibly limping. Each step was utter agony and sent pinpricks of pain lancing through his hip. It was difficult to breathe. Sirius followed a few feet behind him. He was oddly quiet, and Remus didn’t mind the silence for the time being. He managed to make it to two of the women who were waiting for him. They guided him toward the rekindled fire, already beginning to poke and prod.

“Go to sleep,” Remus instructed Sirius without looking back at him.

Sirius looked as if he was about to argue, but then thought better of it. Remus didn’t know what he was trying to say and wasn’t entirely sure if Sirius knew either. Whatever it was, Sirius let it go. His lips were thin, his hands clenched at his sides, but after a moment, he finally just nodded. Then, he turned and walked away.

…  
Remus appeared again shortly before dawn. When he opened the fur flap, a watery pink light flooded the inside and revealed Sirius’ drawn face. Remus wasn’t exactly surprised to see that he hadn’t slept. He was seated, still a mess, and looked quite worried.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said, half desperately, reaching for him before he had even managed to get all the way inside. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean―”

“It’s fine,” Remus said as he shook his head. He sat down a bit heavily. “I’ve dealt with worse.”

“I’m sure you have,” Sirius said. There was nothing mocking in his voice. “But ― not on account of me.”

“You’re always that reckless,” Remus said, giving Sirius a tired smile. “I can tell.” He suspected that he should be angry with Sirius. And he couldn’t exactly say why he wasn’t. He was just tired. He was hurt and he wanted to sleep; he knew, now, that Sirius wouldn’t leave in the middle of the night any longer. He meant what he said about Sirius being reckless, but he figured that Sirius probably learned everything in the most difficult way possible.

“James says that all the time,” Sirius answered, trying to return the smile.

He moved a little closer and tucked himself against Remus. Remus let him, appreciative of the warmth that Sirius presented. He closed his eyes. He could feel Sirius gently tracing around the bruises that were already beginning to form on his skin. The touch was careful enough that Remus didn’t even feel the need to flinch away.

“Thank you,” Sirius whispered and Remus was only scarcely aware of the kiss that Sirius brushed across his forehead.

…  
He half woke, hours later, aware that it was the middle of the day and not caring. He could hear the quiet voices that bubbled around them. Remus didn’t bother to open his eyes. He could feel Sirius’ warmth against his uninjured side. One of his hands was across his chest, just a few inches away from the bruises that bloomed along his ribs. Sirius’ face was tucked into his shoulder and he could feel each of Sirius’ breaths lightly against his skin.

“Do you need anything?” Sirius half mumbled. Remus was surprised. He hadn’t even known that Sirius was awake, and was entirely certain how Sirius had been able to tell that he was.

“No,” Remus answered after an instant, his voice rough with sleep. He didn’t want to move at all. He was sure that his body would ache once he did, but, for now, he was lost in the bliss of warmth and safety. Remus relaxed a little further and expected Sirius to go to back to sleep as well.

“You were right when you said I would be leaving soon,” Sirius suddenly said tentatively. He still sounded half asleep and Remus could feel the rumble of each of his words against his skin. “And we don’t agree on everything… But can we ― for however long?”

Remus understood implicitly what Sirius was saying. He pressed in, just a little closer to Sirius. His face brushed the top of Sirius’ dark hair.

“Yes,” Remus answered.

…  
When Remus woke up again, he was no longer curled around Sirius. Remus sat up slowly, guarding his ribs as he did. It was late afternoon by now and Remus faintly wondered where Sirius had gone off to. He still remembered the conversation they had had this morning. He knew he was probably making the wrong decision. He was being just as reckless as Sirius. But he knew that, for all Sirius might think of them, that he was, at his core, a good person; Remus couldn’t help but be attracted to that.

The flap opened without warning and Sirius came inside, brandishing two bowls with a wide smile. He looked himself again. The traces of last night had vanished from him entirely. He must have washed while Remus had been asleep and he no longer looked wan and pale. He looked like he had before James had even left.

“I brought you dinner,” Sirius said, handing over one of the bowls. “Some kind of stew.”

Remus accepted it, only realizing the extent of his hunger when the bowl was actually in his hands.

“Thank you,” Remus said, suddenly feeling as if he didn’t know what to say to Sirius at all. Too much had happened last night and he felt distinctly off-guard; he didn’t know how to handle a situation like this even if Sirius seemed completely comfortable with everything. As if to prove his point, Sirius leaned in as he sat down beside him and brushed a soft kiss across his mouth.

“Thank you,” Sirius answered. If possible, his grin grew even wider. Before Remus could react, Sirius was pressing forward, acting as if nothing had happened. “I was given strict instructions to make sure that you rested and didn’t worry about anything.” Sirius said with a decisive nod.

“Were you?” Remus asked rather dryly even as he started to eat his stew. He couldn’t help the way his stomach had tightened a little from the kiss.

“I was,” Sirius nodded several times before beginning to eat as well. “So I was thinking we could get you washed up after dinner.”

Even though Sirius had been practically leering at him before, the sentence was said in complete innocence. Remus was covered in troll blood from the night before. Still, Remus swallowed too much stew all at once at the idea. He nodded, but he didn’t manage to say anything.

Sirius chattered on while they ate. Remus couldn’t remember the last time that he had heard Sirius say so much, but he readily accepted the rather one-sided conversation. When they were finished, Sirius gathered up the bowls and headed outside without asking Remus if he was ready to go. He just cast an expectant glance back at Remus. He hastily climbed to his feet, not asking Sirius to help him. He was glad, in fact, that Sirius hadn’t just tried to gather _him_ up.

Pain streaked through his side, but it wasn’t anything he could overcome. He felt a bit weak on his feet, but managed to get outside on his own. By the time he was ready, Sirius had disposed of their bowls and came to trot by his side. He kept his hands to himself even if Remus could see the way his eyes kept darting over toward him, as if checking to make sure that he wasn’t about to fall.

It was cool outside despite the sunlight and Remus wasn’t exactly looking forward to the cold water he knew awaited him. The stream wasn’t far off. It was just beyond the enclosure of the trees. When they arrived, Sirius ceased speaking for the first time and reached for him. Remus was a little surprised by the sudden motion, but let Sirius’ fingers tug off the loose clothing that he was wearing. He kept his head bowed, his hair falling slightly into his face. He couldn’t help but watch the graceful motions of Sirius’ hands. They were pale like the rest of him, the fingers thin and long, the wrists elegant.

When he was bare, he glanced back up at Sirius. His hands were hovering just above his skin now and Sirius’ head was leaned in. Remus could see that Sirius was intently studying the pattern of black and purple that had bludgeoned its way across his skin, but Remus couldn’t read the expression that was on Sirius’ face. His fingers traced close to it, featherlight, but never actually touched the marred skin. Seamlessly, they moved upwards, brushing over and tracing the scars that lanced their way along his body, silver and fine.

He paused when he came to the oldest one, the one from when Greyback had bit him. Sirius’ fingers became a little slower, as if he was reading into the truth of the mark. The tips of them traveled along the indent of each tooth. He glanced up at Remus and Remus was almost startled when their eyes met again.

“Is this―?” Sirius started to ask, but Remus just nodded.

“Did it hurt?” Sirius asked.

“I almost died,” Remus admitted, knowing that had to be the truth. He wasn’t entirely certain why he decided to tell Sirius this time. Instead, he was rather fixated on where Sirius’ fingers were pressed in against the scar. He glanced back up at Sirius, as if it gauge his reaction. It was clear that Sirius was listening, but he didn’t look absolutely horrified as Remus might have expected.

“It’s hard to turn someone, especially when they’re young,” Remus continued, his voice a low murmur. “And we don’t have the same medical facilities out here that you do.” He paused for a moment. “I was one of the first to survive.” He was surprised at how clear the memory was coming back to him. He could remember burning with fever. He had cried for nights, because he had been in so much pain and he hadn’t understood where he was. He was certain that he had been more afraid that he had been taken away from the place he considered home. His tears had had little to do with the fact that he was losing a lot of blood and that little had been done to close up the wound.  
He pulled away from Sirius, not willing to share such memories just yet. Sirius let his hand fall back at his side and watched as Remus took the last few steps down into the stream.

Remus’ hair stood on end as soon as the water brushed up against his legs. It was freezing, just as he had expected but was also, admittedly, rather refreshing. He scooped up several handfuls, moving stiffly and started to wash the crusted blood from his torso and neck.

“Here,” Sirius said eagerly, hurrying down after him. “I’ll help.”

He picked up handfuls of water and began to wash away the dirt and grit from Remus’ body. Remus let him. It was difficult for him to move anyway. He concentrated on running his hands over his skin, doing his best to rub away the worst of the mess.

“Turn around and tilt your head back,” Sirius instructed abruptly, grinning a little. It didn’t occur to Remus to argue. He did as Sirius had asked, looking up at the blue that was still swirled across the sky. Water came sluicing down through his hair. Sirius poured handful after handful until his hair was plastered against his head. Then, Sirius’ fingers began to card through it, occasionally rubbing in against his scalp. Remus closed his eyes after several seconds, able to feel some of the tension leaving his body. He had forgotten about the water that was running around his legs, still almost painfully cold. He was only able to concentrate on the intensity of Sirius’ touch.

His hands gradually sank lower, traveling over his neck and shoulders until finally they came to a stop. Before Remus could move, Sirius leaned in and brushed his lips against the back of Remus’ neck. The sensation seared straight through Remus, the heat of his mouth almost startling even after the press of Sirius’ fingers.

“I’m going to kiss you again,” Sirius breathed out, the words curling directly into the shell of Remus’ ear.  
Sirius’ fingers were gentle as they turned him about. Remus wasn’t sure if he was really breathing any longer, but the instant that he was facing Sirius again, he pressed into him. Their mouths collided and Remus couldn’t help but think that he had missed this ― it had been such a short amount of time since they had kissed, but after everything that had happened, it seemed almost like a distant memory.

Sirius wound one arm around him, although his touch was light; he was obviously wary of hurting him still. Remus slipped one arm around Sirius as well, letting it rest in between his shoulder blades. The other he tangled upwards so that he could run it through Sirius’ hair.

This kiss was a little more tentative than their first. It was more exploratory, as if Sirius was taking great lengths to remember everything. Remus didn’t mind. He let his tongue tangle with Sirius’. Their bodies bumped lightly together and Remus was almost taken aback by the heat of Sirius’ body. He had practically forgotten that he was cold and now he craved the heat that Sirius’ body seemed to emanate.

He curled in against Sirius, pressing their chests together so that the bruises at the side of his body twinged. He kissed Sirius with a great intensity, able to feel his lips beginning to go numb, his lungs burning with the need for oxygen. It all became secondary.

“You’re gorgeous,” Sirius murmured, pulling back enough so that the words weren’t entirely lost into the kiss. Sirius said it with such intensity that Remus couldn’t help but feel embarrassed. It seemed such a ridiculous thing to say―

Sirius smoothed his lips along the side of his jaw. The sensation was almost ticklish and Remus turned into the touch, his nose bumping gently along Sirius’ jawline. His fingertips hovered just above Sirius’ skin before he began tracing the arch of each shoulder blade and then the bumps of his spine. He let his fingers slip downwards even as Sirius’ mouth ventured down to his neck.

Sirius pressed soft kisses above his pulse which, Remus swore, made it speed up a little. It was strange to think that he had been cold at all moments before. He seemed too warm now, but it was a feeling that he luxuriated in. Sirius’ hands made their way down his chest, moving with a little more urgency this time. They still remained away from his injured side, but paused briefly so that Sirius could rub the pad of his thumb over Remus’ nipples.

Remus pulled in a sharp breath, unable to hold the sound in. He had hardly expected such an action or the flood of heat that washed its way through his belly. He ducked down and caught Sirius’ mouth roughly once again, unable to stand by and do nothing while Sirius touched him. Sirius’ hands rose up quickly to cup his face.

“I want to touch you,” Sirius said, his voice half-filled with desperation. The worlds alone made Remus feel dizzy because he knew exactly what Sirius meant. He nodded, worried that he wouldn’t be able to manage actual words.  
“Your hip,” Sirius protested. “I don’t want to―”

“Do it,” Remus said, leaving no room for argument. He knew that he was hurt, but he didn’t want Sirius to treat him like he was fragile. He would heal. He had been hurt before and he would be hurt again. He could see Sirius hesitate, but it was only for a moment. Finally, Sirius ran one thumb over the ridge of his cheekbone before reaching down and wrapping his long fingers around the base of Remus’ cock.

Remus moaned, the sound coming out almost strangled. He was aware of how intently Sirius was watching him, probably looking for any traces of pain. His motions were slow at first, the circle of his fingers moving almost gently around him. When Remus rocked his hips forward a little, Sirius seemed more assured. He sped up a little, creating the prefect amount of friction.

Remus bit down on his own lower lip. He was half tempted to shut his eyes, but he couldn’t help but watch Sirius. It was somewhat addicting, because Sirius kept looking between where his fingers were wrapped around him and then looking at Remus’ face, as if he couldn’t decide what he wanted to watch more.

Remus was entirely on edge. His numb toes were curled tightly in the water and his fingers were digging into Sirius’ lower back. He couldn’t help himself. He wanted to tell Sirius that he had never ― not with anyone else, but he didn’t know how. It was more than he had ever expected and he felt as if he would never be able to think properly again. He kept moaning, small sounds rising out of the back of his throat that seemed to sound nothing like him at all.

He was rocking his hips to meet Sirius’ pace, pushing himself up against Sirius’ palm, through the tight ring of his fingers. Sirius ran his thumb briefly over the swollen head of his cock and then glanced up. It was that ― that simple look, the way Sirius’ eyes were just visible through his long lashes ― that did Remus in. He gasped and then came, spurting over Sirius’ fingers. Sirius kept stroking him, and Remus could just faintly make out the way Sirius moaned as well.

As soon as he was done, Remus’ felt his knees grow weak. He became dimly aware of the pain along his side again. He didn’t know if he swayed, but Sirius stepped in, wrapping an arm around him again. He kissed him gently on the shoulder, a gesture Remus wished he could have had marked on his skin for all time. Remus buried his own face against Sirius’ neck, trying to concentrate on breathing evenly again.

After a moment, Remus reached for Sirius, but Sirius deftly grabbed his hand and pressed a kiss to his palm.

“Let’s head back,” Sirius suggested.

“I can take care of you,” Remus challenged him, not understanding why Sirius was suddenly refusing him.

“I don’t doubt it,” Sirius answered, grinning wildly. He quickly cleaned the two of them up. Remus headed back to the side of the water and Sirius followed after him seconds later. He caught up easily and let his hand brush against the side of Remus’ just enough to make Remus think that he might lace their fingers together. He didn’t, but pressed forward.

By the time they got back, Remus felt exhausted. He felt frustrated with his own shortcomings, aware that he had practically slept the whole day away. But there seemed to be no pressing emergency within the pack, so he slipped back inside, letting himself fall back into the comforting embrace of the fur bedding. Sirius was beside him within seconds, curling against him. There was another gentle kiss against his shoulder and that was the last thing Remus was aware of before he fell back asleep.

…  
The next few days followed in the same vein. Sirius seemed to be all too happy to take care of him and, for some odd reason, Remus found that he couldn’t refuse him. He was cautious of being too obvious to everyone else, but they both made an effort to be seen out of each other’s company. Remus attended to the pack needs, making sure that they were making good trades. There was no news from any of his brothers’ packs nor his father’s pack, so things were relatively calm for the time being.

He became all too accustomed to falling asleep next to Sirius, able to hear his heavy breathing. He was now used to waking up and being able to kiss Sirius until they were both breathless. He didn’t like to think at all how easily Sirius had integrated himself into all the packs’ lives―he didn’t know what the children were going to do when Sirius left. They followed him faithfully, finding all sorts of trouble to get into and learning all sorts of new stories. Sirius even managed to charm the oldest members of the pack. He was rarely helpful, but he always offered and listened to anything they were willing to share with him.

Remus suspected that, like him, most of them had expected Sirius to remain as distant as possible and to leave as quickly as possible. That he had stayed after James left said something. None of them seemed to have begrudged Sirius the accident in the woods and were merely grateful that he was helping Remus heal.

Remus caught himself, at odd moments, imagining what it would be like if Sirius were to stay. It caught him when he least expected it. Sometimes, it was when he caught sight of Sirius winding through the trees with a band of children chasing wildly after him. Sometimes, it was when he watched Sirius listen intently to someone sharing a recipe with him. But the feeling never lasted. He remembered that there was an automatic limitation placed on the concept of _them_ and that Sirius would soon return to whatever life he had left behind ― and preferred to return to that life. Remus' heart ached at those quiet reminders. It was difficult not to fixate on them.

Remus tried to imagine it, but he never could. He only knew pieces of stories about the wizarding world. He knew about the school, which he supposed Sirius had attended. But he didn’t know what house Sirius had been in or how many friends he had or what kind of classes he had been good at. He didn’t know where Sirius lived―or with whom. He didn’t know if Sirius had a girlfriend waiting at home for him. He supposed he could ask and he figured that Sirius would gladly share what information he could. But that still left out pieces; Remus could never really know why Sirius had decided to join Dumbledore’s side or what kind of other work he did. He never would know what drove a major part of Sirius’ life.

The truth of the matter was, no matter how many stories Sirius told him about his outside life, he knew that they would be just that: stories. They would be the same to him as the tales that Sirius wove together for the children. On the flip side, Sirius knew almost every single part of his life. He had stepped into it and there was so little that Remus could truly hide. Sirius might have claimed that he had a difficult time reading him, but he had done so disturbingly well so far―better than ever Remus wanted to admit.

So Remus tried to find comfort in the stolen moments they could share together. He tried to remain realistic and tried not to give too much of himself over to Sirius, but he feared it was already too late for that.

The idea of his own life, empty without Sirius, suddenly seemed almost unbearable. He focused on their kisses and the way Sirius looked in the mornings. He loved the way Sirius looked a little mussed, how he could barely wake up, how his hair refused to lay right. He loved the way that Sirius lazily traced each of his scars; his tongue would skate after his fingertips and it was always more than Remus could take.

He couldn’t ever help but marvel at Sirius’ body, caught up in the sheer perfection of him. He was still ridiculously pale compared to the rest of them. His hair was a little longer now, almost shaggy, but even that look suited him. Remus loved to run his fingers through it when Sirius hovered above him, his weight reassuring.

Days before the full, he was beginning to feel like himself again. The bruises on his torso were beginning to yellow away and Sirius was no longer as tentative when he touched him. His hip had also healed which was proving quite fortunate.

At the moment, Sirius had both of his hips encompassed between his thin fingers and Remus was thrusting up against him, his cock riding against the jut of Sirius’ hipbone. He was whimpering into Sirius’ shoulder while Sirius groaned into his hair.

It was late and the darkness seemed to encompass them entirely, as if the world had fallen away so that it was just the two of them. Remus couldn’t help but love this feeling. He dragged his fingertips down Sirius’ back just to relish in the sensation of tensing muscles, of the plane of Sirius’ back arching toward and away from him.

“I can’t wait to run with you again,” Remus huffed out against Sirius’ ear. It was true. He hadn’t risked transforming since he had been hurt even though he knew that Sirius probably craved it. He craved it too, if he was being honest. But the full was coming and the choice would be taken out of his hands, so he would be freed to be with just Sirius and the moon.

Sirius let out a startled moan the moment that the words registered in his brain. Without warning, his entire body shuddered and he came across Remus’ belly. The sound that Remus had managed to coax from Sirius’ throat and the warmth was more than enough for Remus. He came as well, seconds later, his body pliant beneath Sirius’.

Sirius rolled to the side, onto his back, although his shoulder and his hip still brushed against Remus’. He liked being able to feel Sirius. He could hear his heavy breaths echoing around them, a mirror to his own.

“Have you heard anything?” Remus asked. His voice was calm, but they both understood the question that was implicit. _Do you know when you’re going to have to leave?_  
“No,” Sirius answered, his voice a bit unsteady. Remus figured that he probably didn’t want to discuss it, but it was something that constantly lingered over them. They were impeded by a war. There was a long pause. “Have you?”

“No,” Remus echoed as well. He had half-expected to hear something after he had been hurt by the troll, but it was possible that none of his brothers had managed to hear about it. If that was the case, Remus considered himself lucky. He knew that his own pack might have accepted Sirius’ help and never blamed him, but he knew his brothers wouldn’t feel the same. They would have most certainly punished Sirius for his part in the accident.

“I’ll be here for the full,” Sirius promised, rolling onto his side and brushing Remus’ hair out of his face. Remus leaned instinctively into the touch. He caught Sirius’ hand and pressed a gentle kiss against Sirius’ palm. He knew that Sirius couldn’t even promise him that much time. He couldn’t promise him anything.

…  
Come the full, they still hadn’t heard anything though. Remus knew the silence was worrying Sirius. But they hadn’t spoken about it. They didn’t talk about the fact that Remus hadn’t heard from his brothers or his fathers ― which probably meant they wanted nothing to do with the Order. They didn’t talk about the fact that Sirius hadn’t gotten word from the Order and hadn’t heard about how James or his wife were doing.

Reports of larger Death Eater attacks were trickling in though. They often heard news secondhand, days after anything significant happened.

He could practically taste the nervous pent-up energy in Sirius as they looped through the woods, the sun sinking lower. It seemed like a lifetime ago that he had come out here with James and Sirius. It was only a month ago. A month that Remus was certain would change everything whether either of them knew it or not.

Sirius was a few feet ahead of him, heading blindly through the forest, his clothes deserted near the beginning of the trees. He still sounded absurdly loud; Remus could probably track him from miles and miles off. But it was fine. It was convenient that last month Remus had thought they needed to get away from the pack and this month, he wanted to be away from the pack.

Sirius suddenly stopped walking. Remus was aware of the sudden silence before he was aware that Sirius had turned to face him. He caught him around the back of the back before Remus could react and Remus surged forward without protest. The instinct to claim and own rose in him, and he was barely able to hold it back as Sirius kissed him roughly.

“Thanks,” Sirius said abruptly, making Remus feel uncertain. “I just wanted―”

“Don’t,” Remus said quickly, pressing another kiss in against Sirius’ mouth before he could talk further. He was wary of whatever Sirius had been about to say. He knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle whatever was at the other end of the sentence. He knew that it was probable that this was their last full together. And it had to be just that, nothing more.

“Just change,” Remus requested. Sirius pulled back from him and Remus could see the flash of emotion on Sirius’ face, but he ignored it. After a moment, Sirius nodded and, within seconds, there was a dog standing in front of him. Sirius barked loudly once before turning tail and taking off through the forest. Remus glanced up at the sky. He had minutes still, which was more than enough to give Sirius a decent start. He shifted a little uneasily, waiting to change as well.

It went smoother than he had expected. He had been worried that it would still hurt to change―he could still vividly remember how it had felt to shift from wolf to human. But his injuries had finally and truly healed.  
Remus took off through the woods, able to pick up Sirius’ scent instantly. He caught up the dog rather easily despite the distance he had already crossed. Sirius barked at him again before he overtook him, angling him to the ground easily.

…  
Remus woke up curled on the ground again. It wasn’t a surprise. He hadn’t expected that they would they would find their way back. He was glad that they hadn’t. He rolled over and pressed himself close to Sirius, who was still asleep from the looks of it. It was incredibly endearing how mussed and dirty Sirius always looked after they ran together.

He pressed a gentle kiss against the tip of Sirius’ nose, waiting for him to stir. He kept peppering Sirius with kisses, not minding the mud that was streaked all along Sirius’ body as he did so. It didn’t take much before Sirius was awake as well. Implicitly, he reached for Remus and Remus moved against him as Sirius wrapped an arm tightly around his body.

“It should be like this always,” Sirius mumbled. Remus didn’t know if Sirius knew what he was saying, but he felt his chest constrict a little. He understood what Sirius meant―just the two of them, making a pack of two, untethered by the expectations the world had of them.

“You’d be complaining about waking up in the mud after three days,” Remus challenged, keeping his tone light. He negotiated his way upwards so that he could straddle Sirius’ hips. He looked down at him and ran a hand down his neck and along his chest. The mud smeared a little, leaving visible signs of Remus’ fingermarks.

“Maybe not,” Sirius answered, sounding almost petulant. However, he looked distinctly more awake, was watching Remus in an interested way that made Remus’ belly curl with warmth. He couldn’t deny that he liked being able to see Sirius when they were together. It happened so infrequently. He liked being able to see the way that Sirius watched him. It was almost jarringly intimate, but something that Remus had started to take a certain pride in.

“Oh, I think so,” Remus grinned before leaning in. Sirius pressed upwards and their mouths aligned, the kiss a little more gentle than their usual fare. Sirius’ tongue played artfully against his mouth and Remus opened to him, letting his own tangle with Sirius’.

He could feel Sirius’ cock beginning to strain against his thigh and suddenly he felt so impatient. He didn’t want to waste any time with Sirius and felt a distinct need to be as close as possible. He reached down and began to stroke Sirius firmly, his wrist twisting a little in the way he knew Sirius liked. It seemed almost strange now that there was a time when he hadn’t known Sirius, when he hadn’t known exactly the way Sirius reacted to his touch.

He watched Sirius’ eyes flutter a little. His hips tilted upwards into Remus’ grasp as a strangled groan escaped the back of Sirius’ throat.

“I want you inside me,” Remus told Sirius; there was no hesitation or uncertainty in his voice. It was the only thing they hadn’t done to this point. But he knew that Sirius wasn’t going to hurt him now and he was irrationally afraid that Sirius might be pulled away before they could actually be together.

Sirius’ eyes shot open and he let out a high, tight sound.

He reached down and grabbed Remus’ wrist, halting him. “Are you sure?” he asked, although his tone belayed just how eager he was.

“Yes,” Remus said, still smiling. “I’m sure.”

Sirius’ grin spread across his face before he hurriedly flipped them both so that Remus found himself on his back, looking up at Sirius. Sirius kissed him roughly this time, his teeth nipping into Remus’ lower lips as his hands made their way hastily down Remus’ body. They seemed unable to remain still, rubbing across his nipples just enough to make Remus arch before sliding down to fit around his hips. One smoothed down then to wrap around Remus’ cock causing Remus to let out a breathy moan.

“I want to be with you,” Sirius said, his voice taking a slight humid edge. He raised the other hand up, offering two fingers to Remus. He opened his mouth willingly, wrapping his lips around Sirius’ lean fingers. He sucked hurriedly, lashing at the bottom of them with the flat of his tongue. He didn’t try to answer Sirius. He knew they had reached the point where words once again failed them. They couldn’t convey everything that was happening between them and to try and make them fit would be too dangerous anyway.

Instead he watched the way that Sirius’ eyes went a little darker as he sucked a little rougher around the fingers in his mouth. He choked back a muffled moan as Sirius’ hand tightened around his cock. Seconds later, Sirius withdrew both hands, leaving Remus feeling as if he couldn’t catch a full breath.

“Ready?” Sirius asked, although he almost seemed to be speaking to himself. Remus let his legs fall open and he pushed his hips up a bit as Sirius slipped the first finger inside of him. Admittedly, it was a somewhat strange sensation, but Sirius moved slowly, watching him in that intent way, as if checking to make sure that he wasn’t in pain.

“How’s it feel?” Sirius breathed out as he began to shallowly thrust the finger that he had inside Remus.

“I don’t know,” Remus admitted, hardly able to sort out how to describe the sensation. “Keep moving.”

Sirius did as he was told and then tentatively added the second spit-slicked finger. Remus felt a little more full, felt his body beginning to stretch to accommodate the width of Sirius’ fingers. He rocked his hips a little and could feel the way Sirius’ hand jumped a little, clearly surprised by the sudden motion.

“That feels good,” he managed to tell Sirius. He felt as if he was breathing completely unevenly. His own cock was completely hard, lilting toward his stomach.

“Yeah?” Sirius asked, licking his lips a little, his eyes still dancing with the same cloudy darkness that Remus had come to appreciate. He began to scissor his fingers slowly and Remus lifted his hips slightly, trying to move with the pressure of Sirius’ fingers. “You feel good,” Sirius told Remus in response. His grin was so wide that Remus couldn't help but smile back up at Sirius.

Sirius ran his other hand back down Remus’ body, his eyes watching the flow of his hand. He stopped briefly, tracing some of the more prominent scars on his torso. By the time his hand reached the jut of Remus’ hip, Remus was beginning to feel impatient.

“Sirius,” he said, his voice a little higher than he was used to it being. Sirius nodded, the motion a little unsteady, but he pulled his fingers swiftly out of Remus. He glanced back down at him then and Remus felt something tighten briefly in his chest. Sirius shifted in between his legs; Remus could feel each place their skin came into contact. After being asleep on the cold ground, Sirius’ body seemed to blaze with heat. One of Sirius’ hands hovered just above while the other wrapped around the base of his cock.

“Tell me if―” Sirius started to say, but Remus just nodded to affirm what he already knew Sirius was going to say. He knew it would be better if they had something to make it easier, but in the middle of the forest, they were afforded little more than fingers and saliva. Sirius pushed into him slowly and Remus could feel the moment that the head of Sirius’ cock pushed past the tight ring of muscle. It burned all the way through him in a manner that wasn’t exactly unpleasant. He could see the strain on Sirius’ face, could watch how he was taking care to go slow. Inch by inch he pushed in until he was buried to the hilt.

Both of his hands came to rest on Remus’ hips then, holding him almost as if he was afraid.

“Are you okay?” Sirius asked.

“Yes,” Remus answered. He began to rock his hips slowly, adjusting to the feeling of having Sirius inside of him. When Sirius groaned throatily, Remus knew that he would do anything to be able to win that sound again. “Move,” he requested and was relieved when Sirius did just that. He began to rock backward, his fingers tightening compulsively against Remus’ hips. He thrust forward seconds later and then began to set a steady pace.

Remus couldn’t help but touch Sirius. Sirius was always so fascinated with tracing his fingers over him in anyway he could. Remus was a little more reluctant, but he couldn’t bear the idea of being this close to Sirius and not touch him in anyway he could. He dragged one hand through Sirius’ mussed hair while the other grasped tightly at his shoulder.

The sensation of Sirius rocking inside of him, thrusting time after time was still strange. It took several moments before the head of Sirius’ cock managed to line up properly and hit his prostate. As soon as it did, white flared in front of Remus’ eyes, pleasure coursing through his entire body. He gasped out loud, his hips pressing down as he tried to get Sirius to do _that_ again.

“There?” Sirius asked with an intensity Remus had never heard before. Remus nodded as he bit down into his own lower lip, not trusting his voice.

Sirius began to thrust faster, trying to hit Remus’ prostate time and time again. He leaned in, his tongue playing around where Remus’ teeth had purchase in his own flesh.

“You feel amazing,” Sirius began to ramble. Remus wondered if Sirius even knew he was speaking. His voice was rough and soft all in one intoxicating mix, as if the words Sirius was saying weren’t meant for anything else in the world to hear. Remus was hooked on them, staring openly at Sirius’ mouth as it continued to form words that were causing heat to consume his entire body.

“So perfect. Aces,” Sirius breathed. “I never―”

Remus ran his fingers against Sirius’ scalp before pulling his hand down and pushing in between them. He wrapped his hand around his own cock and began to move feverishly, needing to find some way to match pace with Sirius. He continued to rock his hips down into Sirius’ thrusts, not daring to break the rhythm they had created. At the same time, he began to slide his own hand along his cock, the motion disjointed and a little uneven.

As soon as Sirius realized what he was doing, he wrapped one of his hands over top Remus’. He squeezed a little tighter, setting the pace a bit faster. Their overlapped fingers were more than Remus could take. He moaned, his hips snapping forward as he came roughly.

Sirius followed shortly after. He gasped aloud when Remus came and then Remus could feel the heat of his come filling him up as Sirius’ thrusts began a little more shallow, a little slicker.

When they were finished, Sirius curled up at his side, still half on top of him. He pressed his face into Remus’ shoulder and Remus shut his eyes, counting Sirius’ breaths as he waited for his own to even out.

“Let’s stay out here a little while longer,” Sirius mumbled into his shoulder. The ground was uncomfortable, cold, and damp, but Remus nodded anyway, wrapping his arms tightly around Sirius. They fell back asleep.

…  
Remus woke to the sound of howling. He blinked awake. It was a human howling like a wolf, but the imitation was rather good. Sirius was still melded to his side, although Remus could feel him beginning to stir as well. The sound had been close. It took Remus a moment to realize what it was ― but there it was again, a howl that pierced through the air, scaring off anything that could be a potential threat.

Remus sat up too quickly, jarring Sirius, who was still running a hand through his hair. He looked confused. Remus could feel his heart speed up a bit, and he started to turn to Sirius. He didn’t know what he was going to say, some sort of warning, but before he could get a single word out, his brother appeared through the trees.

“Remus,” Marrok said coldly, walking the last few feet to stand in front of them.

“Marrok,” Remus answered, although he didn’t think his voice was even. He could hear the staunch disapproval in his brother’s voice. There was nothing he could to hide. He knew it had to be incredibly obvious what he and Sirius had been doing.

Sirius managed to get to his feet before Remus did. His posture was defensive, but he didn’t say anything for the time being for which Remus was grateful. Remus followed quickly, although he didn’t know if there was much of a point. Marrok was watching Sirius with open disdain, but when Remus stood, his attention shifted back to him.

“I heard you were hurt, brother,” Marrok said.

“I’m well now,” Remus answered, perhaps a little too quickly.

“Apparently,” Marrok said, his gaze drifting back toward Sirius for a moment. Remus could practically feel Sirius bristle underneath Marrok’s gaze. Heat climbed into Remus’ cheeks as well, but he said nothing, wary of showing any weakness greater than that. When Remus said nothing further, Marrok crossed the short distance between the two of them and wrapped a hand around Remus’ upper arm, the grasp just tight enough to bruise.

“We need to speak,” Marrok said, his tone dismissing Sirius.

“Remus―” Sirius started to say, taking a step toward the two of them. Remus glanced sharply at him, but Marrok spoke first.

“You need to learn your place, _dog,_ ” Marrok said, his gaze narrowing just slightly. “I think it’s time for you to go. You don’t belong here.”

“It’s not your pack,” Sirius growled; Remus quietly wished that Sirius had said anything but that. Marrok’s fingers convulsed around his arm.

“And our _packs_ will side with the Dark Lord,” Marrok said. “It’s been decided.” He glanced meaningfully at Remus and Remus knew what he said was true. Their father had decided to side with Voldemort. It came as little surprise. After all, Fenrir had just wanted him to distract James and Sirius. Apparently, he hadn't even seriously considered Dumbledore. He had never even heard what Remus had to say about James or Sirius.

He also knew Marrok’s earlier statement was true as well: Sirius couldn’t stay here if they had declared their allegiance against Dumbledore and the Order. He didn’t have any protection. There was no loyalty to keep Marrok from tearing out Sirius’ throat.

Sirius seemed to be at a loss for what to say. Remus watched a muscle tighten in his jaw. He was scarcely aware if he was breathing any longer. When Sirius failed to say anything, Marrok let go of him and took a step closer to Sirius. Sirius didn’t back down and Remus could see the tension that was coiling more tightly in his body.

He didn’t know what he was supposed to do. He didn’t know how to persuade Marrok to leave Sirius be. He had never thought that it would come so directly to a head.

“So you’ll understand why you shouldn’t be here,” Marrok said his voice low, the challenge was implicit.  
Sirius looked back at him, over Marrok’s shoulder. Remus tilted his head to the side a little, indicating that Sirius should leave. He knew that he could Apparate.

Marrok reached forward and wrapped his fingers roughly around Sirius’ jaw. The indents from his fingertips were visible even from where Remus was standing and involuntarily, Remus took half a step forward. He knew the motion wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by Marrok. But he also knew that he wouldn’t be able to stomach watching his brother hurt (or worse, _kill_ ) Sirius in front of him. He knew that he would do something that would only make the tension work. He knew that he would protect Sirius.

“You’ll look at me when I’m speaking to you, dog,” Marrok growled. “Not my brother.”

“I’ll go,” Sirius said, anger simmering just under his voice. Remus watched him all the while. He wanted to reach out and touch him. He wanted to apologize and he wanted to be able to say good-bye. He wasn’t foolish enough to think that there would ever be another circumstance that would permit them to be together. He had known that when Sirius had sleepily asked him what they could be. But he couldn’t help but feel as if he was being torn. It hurt―more than he had ever expected it to be. When Sirius looked back at him once more, Remus couldn’t meet his gaze.

Marrok let go of Sirius and pushed him backward. Before Sirius had even stopped moving, there was a sharp crack and he was gone. Marrok turned to him once again and grabbed him by the upper arm again before pulling him through the forest.

…  
Three days. They were the longest three days of Remus’ life. He was exhausted. He hadn’t slept well after Sirius had left. There was an empty space that Remus was all too aware of. He knew he had made a mistake somewhere along the line, but he didn’t know what it was. He didn’t know how to fix it now.

Marrok stayed for the first two days. He lectured, he punished, he made sure that Remus was aware of his transgressions. And then, when he had been satisfied that Remus had learned his lesson, he had explained what was going to happen. A week before the next full, he was to report to their father and they were going to present themselves before the Dark Lord. They would begin their work on the next full.

He reminded himself that there was nothing to be done for it. And yet, he knew he didn’t want to go. He didn’t mind staying with his pack. But he abhorred the idea of pointless bloodshed, especially in the name of a man he didn’t know and for a cause he didn’t understand. He knew he had always felt that way. He just hadn't fully understood it until Sirius pointed it out to him.

He slept uneasily. His dreams were filled with snatches of Sirius. He could never see him fully, always seemed to be chasing after him. He awoke sometimes with the image of Sirius splayed and bloodstained dancing across his brain. Sometimes Marrok stood over him. Sometimes, he, himself, stood over him.

Remus had just woken from such a dream, his insides cold and his stomach churning, to the smell of smoke. It took Remus several seconds to realize that something was wrong. There shouldn’t have been a fire going this late, and the smell of smoke was far too close, far too acrid. He leapt to his feet and tore outside just in time to watch as two of the children ran screaming across their camp. Around the entire perimeter, wizards Apparated, the sound of their arrival cracking across the dark sky.

Remus could barely see what was happening. It was dark and fire was beginning to lick across most of the camp, sending smoke and sparks spiraling into the grey clouds.

Within moments, everything descended into chaos. The noise and the fire began to wake up more of the pack, who spilled openly into the darkness. Remus watched in frozen shock as the wizards closed in around them. It became apparent what was happening. The children were picked up, taken away; he could hear more than one shout for him. Most of the adults were stunned. Any who appeared to be resisted were injured and Remus saw more than one flash of green.

Anger swirled in his stomach and he began to race through the camp, hardly intending to let his pack be taken apart so easily. Before he had gone far, he ran almost straight into a wizard who brandished a wand at him. Remus didn’t falter; he stepped forward again, intending to change when the wizard slashed at him with a spell. He felt as if he had been bashed heavily in the skull. Blood began to run down from his scalp, matting his hair, and obscuring the vision in one of his eyes. The world around him went dizzy and hot.

He stumbled, trying not to fall to the ground. The wizard in front of him was suddenly quite close. Remus let out a sound close to a growl, but was caught by another spell, hard in the shoulder. He reeled backward. The wizard raised his wand again and Remus couldn’t help but wonder if this time he wouldn’t be finished.

Before anything could happen, Remus heard his name, shouted loudly and frantically. He turned his head just in time to see Sirius running across the ground. He was also holding his wand and, with little warning, stunned the wizard who was standing in front of Remus. The man crumpled to the ground as Remus stared on. Before he could get to his feet, Sirius was beside him, helping him up.

“We have to go,” Sirius said, his voice strained. He was holding Remus’ arm tightly in one hand and was pushing aside his hair to look at the gash on his head with the other.

“I can’t,” Remus argued, trying to break away from Sirius. “I have to help.” He started to walk forward, but Sirius caught him roughly about the middle, both of his arms wrapping around his stomach. His wand jabbed up into Remus’ ribs.

“You can’t,” Sirius said, although his voice was quieter. Remus tried to struggle again, but before he could break free, he found himself whisked away. The sensation was sickening. It jolted straight through his stomach as the world beneath him disappeared. There was a flash of color and he was vaguely aware of Sirius’ presence before they tumbled against the floor.

The smell of smoke had receded and the room around them was unerringly quiet and far too bright. Remus stumbled to his feet, swinging around before realizing that he was no longer in the forest. He didn’t know where he was, but it had to be far from where they had been.

“Take me back!” Remus shouted at Sirius, who was still on the floor, trying to push himself up.

“Absolutely not,” Sirius said. He sounded tired. There was little fight in his voice, but Remus didn’t care. It hadn’t been Sirius’ decision to make. He couldn’t just save him when there were so many others that were going to need protection.

“They’re _my_ pack,” Remus continued to shout, moving one of his hands a little too quickly. Blood was still leaking into his eye. “They’re mine to protect.”

“Those Aurors will just kill you,” Sirius answered sternly. “They don’t give a damn about your pack dynamics. And you’re no good to anybody dead, are you, Remus?” He stepped forward and tried to push Remus’ hair out of his face to look at the wound again, but Remus pushed him sharply backward, his actions mirroring those of Marrok’s days before. Only then did Sirius seem to become somewhat angry.

“You can’t go back!” Sirius said, his own voice raising. “You can only go forward. There’s nothing to go back to. Get it?”

Before Remus could answer, there was a sharp crack from the kitchen. Both Remus and Sirius froze.

“Sirius?” They both heard James seconds before he actually walked around the corner. James paused almost immediately when he saw both of them, surprise written clearly across his face.

“Oh, Sirius,” James said, the sentence barely above a whisper. Remus bristled a little, because he simply couldn’t help it.

“You have to take me back,” Remus repeated, turning to Sirius and going right back at him. He looked briefly at James, only able to hope that James would be of some help to him. “Tell him to take me back.”

James looked rather uncertain, almost taken aback that he had been drawn into their conversation. He hardly looked happy with the situation, but he said nothing, which only infuriated Remus further. He pushed at Sirius again and started to walk away from him when a sharp wave of dizziness hit him. His knees gave way underneath him and he would have hit the ground if Sirius hadn’t wrapped his arms around him sharply from behind.

Remus’ head went backward, against Sirius’ chest. He drew an uneven breath, scarcely able to make out Sirius saying his name before he blacked out entirely.

…  
Remus woke up in a bed. It was something he only had a dim memory of, and he shifted uneasily for a moment. His head pounded angrily at him. He raised up a hand to press his fingertips up against his temple and was only moderately surprised to discover the bandages there. Memories came back to him. Marrok forcing Sirius to leave; the attack; Sirius returning to steal him away.

His eyes shot open. The room around him was dim, sunlight just barely filtering in through the windows. The bed he was in was rather large, blankets piled everywhere. It smelled distinctly of Sirius. This had to be Sirius’ room. His eyes traveled around it, taking in the posters that were plastered over the walls. There was a rather lot of red and gold all over the place and many pictures. Most of them featured James and Sirius, but a few had a red-haired woman that Remus assumed was James’ wife.

“Peter said you got into a fight with Frank at the meeting,” Remus suddenly heard James say. He straightened a little, before realizing they had to be right outside the door. They were talking in hushed whispers that weren’t quite soft enough that Remus couldn’t hear them.

“Because Frank was a fucking idiot and went and told Umbridge and her bloody Werewolf Capture Unit where Remus’ entire pack was,” Sirius said hotly. “You know she would have taken him in and tortured him until he told them where Fenrir was!”

James was quiet for a long time, and Remus couldn’t help but wonder if maybe James agreed with this Frank person. It wasn’t a bad plan, as far as plans went, Remus thought. Except that he would never told them where his father was.

“So you just thought you’d go and rescue him?” James asked.

“What else could I have done, James? I couldn’t get there in time to warn anybody!”

“So now, you have a fugitive werewolf in your flat, the Ministry might know that you took him, which will certainly do great things for your credibility, and Fenrir will probably _still_ think that the Ministry kidnapped his son.” James huffed out. “Sounds like one of your stellar plans.”

“I wasn’t going to let them take him,” Sirius said fiercely.

Remus didn’t know what to think. He certainly agreed with James. They weren’t in a promising situation right now. He shut his eyes. Still. Sirius had come for him. Sirius had gone against his own side, just in order to protect him and the pack. He knew that Sirius didn’t approve of everything that happened within his pack, but it said volumes that he was at least willing to protect it.

The door swung open with a bit more force than necessary. When Remus opened his eyes, Sirius was standing there, holding a cup of tea and a couple of biscuits. He looked a bit sheepish when he saw that Remus was awake. James was nowhere to be seen.

“How’re you feeling?” Sirius asked as he sank down on the other side of the bed.

“Better,” Remus admitted. They were quiet.

“I brought you some tea,” Sirius said awkwardly, putting it down on the side table near Remus. Remus glanced toward it. It almost made himself smile. He reached for it and took a small sip, enjoying the warmth of it.

“What now?” Remus asked. He didn’t know if Sirius really had a plan beyond getting him away from the Ministry. It seemed unlikely. And he was still angry with Sirius over it, but now that it was hours later, he finally understood what Sirius had been repeating last night. There was no going back. There was nothing left of his pack. If he was going to help anybody, it had to be in a different way. He didn’t really know how the Werewolf Capture Unit worked. They dealt with it infrequently because they were good at evading it. It was likely that the children would be located to a new facility, someplace where they could be pitied and perhaps have “cures” tested on them. However, Remus wouldn’t have been surprised if the adults had been questioned for his father’s whereabouts.

“No one besides James has come here, so it’s unlikely that anybody else knows you’re here,” Sirius said quietly. “You could just keep a low profile here until the end of the war. We could hide.”

Remus understood implicitly what Sirius was saying. He wanted Remus to hide so that no one would take him away. Sirius would keep fighting, keep working with his side without ever letting them know that he was keeping a werewolf in his flat. Remus already could see the flaws in this plan. He knew it would never work.

When Remus didn’t say anything, Sirius reached forward and wrapped one of his hands around Remus’.

“We can make this work, I promise,” Sirius said, sounding rather desperate. “I know it won’t be easy, but you can’t go back-” This time Remus knew Sirius was saying _You can’t go back to your father._ “-and you can’t go to the Ministry. Just stay with me.” He was practically begging and Remus felt too tired to argue at the moment. He wouldn’t know where to start if he wanted to leave. He reached over and took one of the chocolate biscuits that Sirius had brought and ate it as well, savoring the flavor that danced across his taste buds.

Sirius pushed his way further into his bed and curled up against him, his head against Remus’ chest, one arm thrown languidly across his stomach. Remus felt as if Sirius was trying to hold him in place.

“We can go and get you some clothes tomorrow,” Sirius said. “You can wear mine until then. You’ll love Diagon Alley.”

…  
The next day, Sirius helped him through the shower. He got the flecked blood out of his hair and ran his hands gently over Remus' entire body.

It was strange, being in a home. Sleeping in a bed, bathing with running water. He kept having ghosts of memories, things he didn’t know had still been lurking in his subconscious. He would have flashes of a house different from Sirius’, of voices he didn’t know any longer. He was starting to remember what his room had looked like, how it had appeared when he had left it behind and stepped outside when he wasn’t supposed to.

Sirius dressed him in his clothes, which were too long. The bottoms of Sirius’ denims had to be rolled up although the jumper wasn’t an awful fit. Remus kept feeling tempted to raise the soft sleeve to his nose just to smell Sirius laced into the fabric.

He still didn’t like the idea of going out in public. He felt as if everybody would know, as if everybody would see through to the truth of him, but Sirius just kept rambling about everything they would do and all the places they would see. Remus’ stomach was knotted and he could barely get down the food that Sirius set in front of him.

Yet when they arrived in Diagon Alley, Remus couldn’t help but be in awe of everything that was around him.

Sirius had certainly been right. It was filled with everything any wizard could have ever needed and Remus couldn’t help but look everywhere at once. He tried not to be obvious. He wanted to stare at the owls, and ask Sirius if he had one. He was intrigued by all the small and colorful vials that littered the front of a potions shop. He actually stopped walking for a moment when they passed the book store. There were more books in the front window than he had ever even be able to read. When he'd look back over at Sirius, he was surprised to see that Sirius was openly smiling at him.

He tried not to wonder about what it would have been like to take this for granted. He knew Sirius had. He knew this was a place that Sirius had always known. He could tell from the seamless way that Sirius navigated the streets, bouncing from shop to shop. He greeted a few of the owners by name.

And yet, there were a few people who seemed a bit wary to run into Sirius. Most were friendly, just as happy to see Sirius as he was to see them. But there were a few that Remus couldn’t help think were a bit _scared_ of Sirius and Remus couldn’t say exactly why. James’ line about Sirius’ _credibility_ kept ringing about in his head, but nobody ever cast him a second look. There was some problem that had existed before he had entered the picture.

They picked up clothes and Sirius paid for everything. It was more than Remus had thought he had ever owned before and he felt a little overwhelmed by it all. Most of the clothing he had worn before had been handmade. The new clothes were strange to him. He wanted to protest, because it was all too much, but Sirius kept shaking him off, taking him from one place to the next. He only paused to nag him about how he felt, making sure that neither of his wounds had opened up once again.

They were just about to finish up, which Remus was feeling rather relieved about, when Sirius suddenly got an all too familiar gleam in his eye.

“I’ve got a great idea,” Sirius said, grinning back at him. “Come on.” There wasn’t much that Remus could do but follow after Sirius. They stopped at a shop which looked a bit different from the rest and headed inside. It was surprisingly cold.

“Two chocolates, Florean,” Sirius ordered as he approached the counter. Remus stood a few feet behind Sirius, watching as the wizard behind the counter gathered up two ice creams for the two of them. Remus couldn’t help but be amused that this was Sirius’ grand idea. Although he was careful not to show it, he was excited at the prospect of ice cream. After all, it hadn’t been one of those things that they had been able to trade for.

“No Potter today, Sirius?” Florean asked amicably as he collected Sirius’ money, handing each of the cones over to Sirius who balanced one carefully and passed the other off to Remus.

“No,” Sirius said with a smile. He glanced over at Remus. “This is my friend, Remus―”

“Lupin,” Remus cut in seamlessly, not entirely certain what Sirius was about to say. Some part of him knew that it wouldn’t be Greyback, so he wasn’t entirely sure why he offered up the last name he did. Sirius was still looking at him and there was a strange expression on his face. Remus looked away from him and focused on Florean.

“Pleasure to meet you,” the other wizard returned. “Hopefully we’ll have you back soon.” He disappeared behind the counter once again and Remus and Sirius wound their way to one of the tables. The shop was relatively empty. Remus didn’t pull his hand away when Sirius took it underneath the table.

…  
They fell into something of a pattern. Remus quickly learning that Sirius’ cooking left a lot to be desired. Sirius managed to burn anything he had on the stove. Remus tasted little anyway, famished as he was still. They bathed together, and Remus enjoyed being curled close to Sirius, the warm water around them.

They went to bed together and Sirius kissed him until he fell asleep.

He was almost convinced that something like this might work out. It was easy to forget about everything that was going wrong all around them.

Remus woke up with Sirius curled against him. He was starting to feel the pull of the full moon inside him. It was a harsh reminder that he wasn’t going to be where he was supposed to be. By now, his father would have heard about his pack being raided. He would know that Remus wasn’t coming. And he when he didn’t come, Remus wasn’t sure what would happen. He worried and watched the sun come up outside Sirius’ window until Sirius stirred.

“What’s wrong?” Sirius mumbled into his shoulder, pressing a few soft kisses there.

“Where can we go for the full?” Remus asked, still staring at the window instead of looking down at Sirius. He didn’t think that Sirius would take him back to the forest, but he had never been anywhere else.

“We can stay here,” Sirius said groggily. “I’ll soundproof the flat. Nobody will bother us.”

Remus didn’t much relish the idea, but didn’t argue with Sirius.

…  
The full moon came and Remus could barely endure it. They remained in the flat, mostly in Sirius’ bedroom. The dog tried to get him to relax the entire while, but Remus remained curled up on the bed, growling continually at the door. He felt caged, nearly suffocated, and it was a sensation he couldn’t bear. This was what it felt like to be trapped. This was why the wolf couldn’t stay here. He was supposed to be able to be run and to be free, and not even the dog could help soothe that particularly ache.

He kept trying to get to the window, knowing that there had to be something like air there. He could feel the call of his pack, of his father to him. And he knew he wasn’t where he was supposed to be.

…  
When Remus woke, Sirius wasn’t in the room with him. He rolled over on the bed, his head feeling as it if had been stuffed with cotton. Despite not remembering doing anything of note last night, his entire body felt stiff. He groaned quietly into the pillow, trying to get his body to start bending and moving.

He dimly wondered where Sirius had gone and felt something sink in his stomach. He didn’t think anything had gone wrong last night, but, from his standpoint, he didn’t exactly think things had gone well either.

He pushed himself up and pulled on a pair of pants that Sirius had bought for him, although he didn’t bother with a shirt. The wound on his shoulder had been healing, but felt raw after night. The idea of pressing fabric against it seemed revolting. He slipped quietly out of the bedroom just in time to hear the bathroom door open. He turned and was surprised not to see Sirius, but the same red-haired girl who had been in several of the pictures with James and Sirius. She was obviously several months pregnant, which merely reaffirmed Remus’ conclusion that she was James’ wife. She started visibly when she saw him.

“Sorry,” he said quickly, feeling the need to back off, but not knowing how. He couldn’t just disappear back into the bedroom without seeming odd. She flushed a little, but then shook her head.

“No, not at all,” she recovered. “I’m Lily.” She held her hand out to him and he took it, still feeling distinctly off-balance.

“Remus,” he answered.

“How are you feeling?” she asked after a moment, coming off sounding genuinely concerned. Remus couldn't help but like her. He couldn't say precisely why, but there seemed to be a certain strength about her that was rather impressive. Somehow, he thought that she didn’t have much trouble keeping James or Sirius in line.

“Fine,” Remus responded, managing even a brief smile. He knew that she probably had to be aware of what he was, but he was hardly about to go into detail about his night with a woman he had met seconds before.

“Do you want something to eat?” Lily asked, nodding her head toward the kitchen. A few strands of red hair fell across her face. “Breakfast is cold by now, but it won’t take me long to whip something up. I feel so bad for you, having to eat just Sirius’ cooking. You’re lucky he hasn’t killed the both of you yet.”

Remus’ smile was more genuine this time and he nodded in return, following her as they headed into the kitchen. Sirius and James were there, their heads bent low over something. They were talking softly enough that Remus couldn’t hear them when he entered the room.

James noticed them first and sat up a little too quickly. They were hiding something. Remus just wasn’t sure of what. He sat down at the table across from Sirius.

“Remus,” James said intently with a slight smile as he sat down. He reached almost instinctively for Lily’s hand and Remus wondered if he was even aware of reaching for her.

“See you’ve met the lovely Lily,” Sirius said, obviously teasing her. He grinned as well and Lily hit him on the back of the head.

It was almost a surreal moment, one that Remus felt as if he was treading on. But then, Lily pulled away as Sirius reproachfully rubbed the back of his head. She asked the two of them what they wanted for lunch and headed over to Sirius’ half-broken stove. Remus glanced down at the table to see most of a newspaper disappear beneath the weight of Sirius’ arms. He couldn’t see what it said, but he rather supposed that was what Sirius and James had been discussing.

They ate lunch, which, admittedly, was far better than anything Sirius had made for him this far. Remus kept feeling as if he had never eaten before. James and Lily left shortly after that, disappearing into the fireplace with a flash of green that astonished Remus.

“She looks healthy,” Remus remarked after they had left, glancing back at Sirius.

“What?” Sirius asked, looking up at him with a confused expression. “Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be?”

“You said there was something wrong,” Remus responded. “When James first found out that she was pregnant.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. He looked as if he had been caught off his guard. He ran a hand through his hair and looked almost nervous.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Remus answered. He had never seen Sirius so hesitant to tell him anything before and couldn’t help but wonder what it could be that had threatened Lily and James. It clearly had nothing to do with health-related issues, but what it could be, Remus didn’t know.

Sirius cleared his throat after a moment and shifted uneasily.

“Listen, we need to talk,” Sirius said. He avoided Remus’ gaze as he made the announcement and Remus’ entire body tensed involuntarily. He said nothing in response, but continued to watch Sirius, making it clear that he had his attention. Sirius raised up the newspaper he and James had been peering over. He tapped it nervously on his knee twice before handing it over to Remus. Remus accepted it and unfolded it, knowing that whatever he was about to see was not going to be good.

“Greyback thinks that the Ministry is holding you for ransom,” Sirius said. “He wants you back.”

Remus didn’t even need to read the entire article to understand what had happened. His father had made his own announcement to the government the night before, ripping five families apart while they slept in their homes. He made the promise to continue wreaking such carnage until his son was returned to him.

Remus felt sick. He stared at the paper even though he knew that he couldn’t read any further. He hated that this sort of thing had been done in his name. These families would have been chosen at random, tortured and maimed for no reason other than sport. He knew that it was this sort of hunting that he could never do. This was why he could never side with the Dark Lord, because he knew that he wouldn’t be able to handle it. Raising young werewolves and protecting them from the cruelties of the wizarding world was one thing. This was another.  
He was aware of Sirius’ gaze. He wondered if Sirius now regretted what he had done. He wondered if Sirius wished that he had left him there to actually be consumed by the Ministry.

Before he could look up at Sirius, his arms were suddenly wrapped around him. The newspaper crinkled between them.

“I just want to keep you safe,” Sirius said in the same fierce voice that he had spoken to James in.

“I have to find him,” Remus said. “I can’t stay here anymore. I can stop this and I should.”  
“I know,” Sirius said, but he sounded as if he wanted to argue. “I know.”

They didn’t sleep that night although they were both tired from the night before. They tried to sort out some way to make it work. Sirius wanted to Remus to convince Greyback to let him go. Perhaps to start another pack, but not to join the Dark Lord. Quietly, Remus knew that would never work. If he asked not to swear fealty to the Dark Lord, it would seem like he was dishonoring his father, refusing to obey his orders. Remus didn’t see a way out of it, and when he stopped answering Sirius, Sirius simply wrapped himself around Remus’ body and held him.

“I love you,” Sirius whispered into his ear just before dawn as Remus drifted off to sleep.

…  
They left late in the afternoon. Remus knew that Sirius didn’t want him to go, but he didn’t argue with him. For that, Remus was grateful. If he was being honest, he was scared. Sirius wanted him to bring supplies with, the new clothes that he had bought and food, but Remus knew better than to show up with such things. And, he was afraid that they would smell too much like Sirius. He was afraid that he smelled too much like Sirius and he was terrified of anything that would bring his father’s pack back to Sirius.

They Apparated to just outside where his pack’s camp had been. The area looked nothing like it had been. Everything was destroyed. There were still a few remains left, mostly charred. Everything was gutted and burned out, and it hurt Remus to see his home like this. He didn’t look long, but concentrated on the feeling of Sirius’ fingertips pressed against his arm.

“When it’s all over, promise me you’ll find me again,” Sirius said quietly. He leaned in and caught Remus in a rough hug that Remus could do nothing but return. He closed his eyes and let himself soak in the feeling of Sirius. One of his hands hovered at Sirius’ back, the other went in to tangle with his too-long hair.

“I promise,” Remus said, although he doubted it was a promise he could keep. He didn’t know if he or Sirius would live to see the end of this war. He didn’t know if Sirius would want to know whatever he became by the end of it. One of them had to be on the losing side.

Sirius pressed a soft kiss in against his neck, as if tucking a secret away there.

“Lupin was my real last name,” Remus whispered suddenly, the words murmured into Sirius’ ear. “I wasn’t lying about that. My father― he was a wizard. He worked for the Ministry.” It was something he hadn’t allowed himself to think about since before meeting Sirius. But the more he was around him, the more he continued to remember. His parents’ names were still lost to him, but their faces were becoming more clear.

And he knew that everything Sirius had said, everything he had so adamantly denied, had been right. He would have been a wizard if he hadn’t been bitten, would have met James and Sirius in school, wouldn’t have been watching children changing when they were too young to understand what was happening to them. He didn’t want to do that anymore. He couldn’t protect them anymore―and probably never had, not in the way they actually deserved. He could never condone what his father had done recently. And he now understood that the same thing had been done to him. He hadn’t been saved from anything.

Sirius didn’t say anything and Remus didn’t expect him to. The arms around him tightened and Remus could feel his neck growing damp. Finally, Sirius pulled away. His face was a little blotchy and his eyes were rimmed red. Remus’ throat went tight and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to say anything else.

Sirius squeezed one of his hands tightly and then stepped away. With a crack he was gone, and Remus was alone.  
He felt sick and could barely concentrate as he shifted forms and took off into the forest. He wasn’t surprised when, instead of feeling more free, he simply felt more trapped.

…  
The months dragged by. Sirius felt swallowed by them. Time almost seemed to become meaningless. He would glance up at the sky and be startled to see that the moon was no longer a thin curve in the smile, but round and full. He wondered where Remus was. He wondered what he was doing and then thought that, perhaps, he didn’t really want to know at all.

Sirius went on as many missions as he could in order to keep himself busy. He tried to avoid the _Prophet_ after he read an article about how every werewolf being held by the Werewolf Capture Unit had been broken out. He didn’t know how many members of Remus’ pack had still been there. He didn’t dare ask anybody in the Ministry. There was nothing he could do for any of them.

Lily gave birth. It seemed to be a bright spot in the whirling months of Sirius’ life. He went to the hospital fresh from a mission, wearing his dirty clothes, and was stunned speechless when he saw this _thing_ that was nestled into James’ arms. It was ridiculous how much it already looked like James, with that shock of stupid dark hair.

Sirius had held Harry tentatively, almost as if he was afraid he was going to break. He was all too aware that this, he, was what they had all been fighting for all these months. He seemed so incredibly small, and Sirius could only marvel over what the path of his life had planned out for him. So much time still unchartered, and Sirius could only hope that they would make it all incredible times, that he wouldn’t be plagued by the darkness that was threatening to swallow them. He now knew that he would do anything he could to protect the baby boy in his arms. His godson. The one with James’ stupid hair and Lily’s beautiful eyes.

He didn’t go on any fewer missions, but he did spend more time at James’ house. He learnt how to change nappies and how to make a bottle. He learnt how to make his godson laugh when he was crying and learnt which stories Lily wouldn’t let him tell Harry. When he was babysitting and Harry wouldn’t sleep and Sirius ran out of stories, he told him about Remus.

Some nights he couldn't help but stay up all night worrying. If Remus was killed during the war, how would he even know. Sometimes, that scared him worst of all. He might never even know what happened to Remus.

Late one evening, whilst Sirius was spending another sleepless night in his suddenly too-large bed, he received a summons from Dumbledore. He was surprised, as they had an Order meeting the next day, and Sirius didn’t know what could be pressing enough to call him all the way out to _Hogwarts._ He hadn’t been back since he had graduated. His first fear was that something had happened to Lily and James and Harry. He went as fast as he could, pulling on whatever he could find before fleeing his flat.

His heart was practically stuttering in his chest as he stood outside Dumbledore’s office, waiting to be let in. It hurt, because he had never been so afraid in his life. He had thought about it in a theoretical sense, what it would mean to lose James. But it had never been as real as it was now, and he knew he would never survive it. James couldn’t die, because he was _James Potter_ and that was the long and short of it. He was the only family that Sirius had ever been able to depend on.

He raced up the stairs to Dumbledore’s office when it finally opened and was breathing unevenly when he reached the top. Dumbledore was seated at his desk, hands folded in on themselves. There was somebody seated in the chair in front of his desk and it took Sirius a moment to realize who it was.

Remus turned to face him, looking just as surprised as he felt. Merlin, he looked awful, but Sirius didn’t think he could ever been happier to see him. One of his eyes was dark, a bruise shining around it and his face was now marred by three scars that arched over his bridge and lanced across his cheeks. He looked a little too thin and his hair was longer than it had been last time. It was tied back messily, but Sirius could still see the grey had blossomed along the chestnut brown.

“Sirius,” Dumbledore said, dispersing apart Sirius’ thoughts. He was smiling. “I'm glad that you could join us so promptly. I hope you're well. Would you mind sitting, please.” Sirius numbly made his way to the other chair, the one beside Remus. It was so difficult, when all he wanted to do was gather Remus up in his arms. He wanted to make sure that he was truly okay, inspect every inch of him, and then never let him go again.

“Mr. Greyback,” Dumbledore began, nodding toward Remus. Sirius so very nearly interrupted to correct him, it was _Lupin_. Because Remus wasn’t one of them, not anymore. But he didn’t dare interrupt Dumbledore. “--was just telling me a most important piece of information: he’s discovered which family Voldemort intends to go after.”

Sirius turned to look at Remus, who was looking down at his hands. It took several seconds for the magnitude of what Remus had done to hit him. His heart sped up a beat. Instead of remaining trapped under the reign of Greyback and Voldemort, he had collected priceless information, and then come to Dumbledore with it. Information that could save Lily and James. Sirius had never even been able to tell Remus about the circumstances surrounding the prophecy. He nodded unevenly before looking back at Dumbledore.

“He will be going after Lily and James,” Dumbledore said, his voice heavy. Sirius’ throat tightened. He knew that it was something they had been contending with for months but to hear, without a doubt, that he was going after the Potters was difficult to hear.

“Remus, if you wouldn't mind being kind enough to wait outside, Sirius and I will be done shortly,” Dumbledore said, turning his attention back to Remus. “I believe you'll find a bowl of lemon drops on the table adjacent to the door if you'd like to help yourself.”

Remus nodded without saying anything. He rose slowly and he was so close that Sirius could reach out and touch him. He could slip his hand inside of Remus’ and urge him to stay. Remus glanced at him only once before leaving the office, leaving Sirius alone with Dumbledore. Sirius had never seen him look so grave.

“I fear, that for all our work, their current level of protection may not be enough.”

“Sir?” Sirius managed, his voice breaking a little. He didn’t understand what Dumbledore was telling him.

“I believe it’s time to put the Potters under the Fidelius Charm,” Dumbledore said. “I believe that’s our best line of defense against Voldemort. I have previously discussed this option with Lily and James and you, naturally, are their choice.”

Sirius nodded, understanding what he was being told. “I’ll have to go into hiding as well, won’t I.” Sirius said. If the Death Eaters found out about the charm, they would expect Lily and James to choose him.

“Yes,” Dumbledore answered. “It wouldn’t be amiss for you to keep on the move, to continue traveling whilst keeping a low profile.”

“When would we perform the spell?” Sirius asked.

“As soon as possible,” Dumbledore responded.

Sirius got to his feet, although they felt a little shaky underneath him. He was overwhelmed by the sudden onslaught of information, in regards to both James and to Remus.

“Sir,” Sirius said suddenly. “Remus won’t be returning, will he?” He knew it might be helpful if Remus could continue to pass along information, but the danger of it twisted at his stomach. Furthemore, Remus was a part of a werewolf pack. Surely, it must have been incredibly difficult just to glean the information about Lily and James, much less anything else of note.

“Based on the story of his departure, it is unlikely that he would be welcomed back to his pack,” Dumbledore said and there was something of an all too familiar glint in his eye; Sirius knew the man was proud. Sirius wondered what Remus could have done before leaving.

“Could he come with me?” Sirius asked, practically blurting the question out. Dumbledore studied him for a long moment.

“Do you trust him?” Dumbledore simply asked.

“I trust him,” Sirius said with a conviction he didn’t know he had until the words were out. Dumbledore nodded and Sirius knew he had his answer.

…  
They were mostly packed by the next afternoon. They couldn’t take much with them, but Sirius had kept all the clothes that he had bought for Remus during his brief stay. Remus was currently seated on the edge of Sirius’ bed, watching as Sirius worked on putting the finishing touches on their bags. He didn’t dare to bring too much. He was leaving everything he could afford to lose, with the knowledge that this was probably going to be one of the first places the Death Eaters ransacked when they came looking at him.

They had stayed up most of the night before. Remus had filled Sirius in on everything he had been doing. It had been hard to discuss. Working for the Dark Lord had been every bit as bad as he feared. The wizard had just wanted a pack of dogs that he could unleash on a whim. He wanted creatures that he could threaten the rest of the world with. Unfortunately, it worked. But they were still distinctly second class, afforded none of the privileges the Dark Lord had originally promised them.

It had taken Remus a long time to figure out the information about the Potters. The werewolves weren’t invited to the Inner Circle meetings, so Remus had had to pay careful attention to any slip up on the part of any Death Eater they were around. And even then, he had been wary, wanting to make sure that he wasn’t making any mistakes.

When he had left, Remus had wanted to sever all ties with the pack, so he had needed to make sure that they weren't going to believe he had been taken again. And so he had told his father the truth about where he had been during his missing days. He hadn’t been taken by the Ministry at all. He had been at the flat of another wizard. He had gone into more detail than he had been able to relay to Sirius, but had made sure that his father would never be able to find Sirius based on his story. It was possible that Marrok would share what he had seen after Remus had left, but now Remus was assured that they would also be long gone before the pack came anywhere near them. His father never wanted to see him again. He was a traitor in the truest sense, choosing a world outside of pack life.

Remus had felt tired and hollowed out after he had shared everything with Sirius. He had done things he couldn’t admit to Sirius, things he would never be able to admit to even himself.

Sirius had pulled out pictures of Harry then, and they had flipped through them until they had both fallen asleep. Sirius had told him anecdotes about each one, about how clever Harry was, and how great he was going to be at Quidditch, and how Sirius couldn’t wait for Remus to meet him. It seemed like a distant idea, an almost fuzzy dream, to be able to meet this boy, who, hopefully, he was going to help save.

They had been moving since they had awakened. But they were almost done now, almost ready to leave, and press forward into whatever awaited them next.

Remus, for his part, couldn’t help but marvel at Sirius as he moved. He was talking a bit too quickly, but Remus wasn’t fully paying attention to everything he was saying. He was discussing all the places they could go, all the sights they could see. Some of them were things that Remus had never even heard of, but the prospect of traveling, of seeing places laced with history and culture, was exciting, if he was being honest.

He knew the important part was that they were going to be together. He knew that this was the only way that things could have worked out, that this was the only way that they could have properly appreciated it. Sirius hadn’t been able to stay in pack life, and while Remus had enjoyed the various assets of Sirius’ life, he needed more freedom than a simple flat in London was going to afford. They had to craft their own life out of what had been given to them.

They were moving forward in the only way they could. But it was different than all the times before. They were together.

“You’re not even listening to me,” Sirius complained good-naturedly as he tackled Remus to the bed. Remus let out an exaggerated breath, but relaxed as Sirius began to run his fingers through his hair, briefly tracing along the small scar that disappeared into his hairline, a remnant of the attack on his pack. Sirius had attempted to give him a haircut a couple of hours before, claiming that it was badly needed. Remus had no doubt of that, but he wasn’t sure that Sirius’ work with the wand looked much better. He figured he felt better at the very least.

“I don’t care where we go,” Remus murmured, leaning in to press a kiss to Sirius’ mouth. He could practically feel Sirius melt underneath his touch.

“Ready to go on an adventure with me?” Sirius breathed out. He pushed off the bed, pulling Remus with him. Remus nodded and Sirius handed him his bag before pulling him close. They Disapparated away.


End file.
